Top 7 Alternative Jobs I'm Considering.

Well two master's degrees don't seem to be enough; still jobless almost a year later. Wow. How pathetic. With that in mind I've been thinking a bunch about what I should do. Should I keep applying to these same types of jobs over and over again only to get rejected and/or ignored. Should I pretend I am not a part of this society and hide in my apartment until I'm homeless then go live in a cave? Should I go back to school for something more reasonable or even more unreasonable?

I am trying to write a book but even if I finish it within the next few months it's going to take a long time to edit it to perfection and get it published. In the meantime, I need $$$.

Here are 7 alternatives I'm considering.

1) Vegan Chef

I've won several vegan cookbooks lately, I'm beginning to think it's a sign. I love food and I love food that's good for people (and not mean to animals). I know cooking takes a lot of energy and time and I'd basically spend my life in a kitchen somewhere but I wouldn't mind, I could cuss, listen to good music and drink whiskey the whole time. That wouldn't be so bad.

2) Art Gallery/Bar/Coffee shop Owner

I've been wanting to do this for years, since junior high actually. I probably have some old floor lay-outs scattered around from my "dream venue" days. The biggest problem here is money. Oh and knowing how to run a business, but other than that I got everything else covered, event ideas, martini concoctions, I could probably even find some artists hanging around.

3) Inventor of Some Billionaire Idea

Like silly bandz or spanx. If I could do that, then I could do the other things I want because I'll finally have money. And I invent stuff all the time I'm just not an engineer, so I can't actually design these things. It needs to be real simple. Perhaps I'll come up with something tonight. I just need to make sure it's a plural name so I can end it in a z or an x instead of an s, because that obviously works.

4) Hooker

A high-class hooker. Three months out of my life and I've paid off my student loans. I'm just saying mom, it's a lot of cash. Who needs morals when you have money?

5) S&M Agent of Destruction

Along the same vein as prostitution except I get to inflict pain upon others. And I never actually have to touch them or act like I like it. I think I could do that; they enjoy it so it is actually painful? I didn't think so.

6) Circus Performer

This isn't true. I couldn't do this because I hate clowns, why are they smiling all the time? I mean, what do they have to be so happy about, they're wearing shoes that don't fit, clothes that are ridiculously misshapen, and they're so ugly they have to cake on make-up to hide their own faces. No thanks. I couldn't handle looking at them let alone all the methed-out carnival workers.

7) Guru

How does one become a guru anyway? It can't be that hard to get followers, I mean, the Tea Party exists. Surely I have the face of a leader, the face of someone you can trust. And I have all of the answers. So send me your cash and I'll let you know the secrets. $1 for the first. Prices vary depending on intensity.