Killing You Softly, With This Smile.

I've decided that I would like to smile more often. And on my own free will.

What has kept me from smiling in the past has not been mere unhappiness but from other people telling me that I should.

For example, every serving job I had my bosses would come up to me and say, "Smile!" "Customers want to see you Smile!" "If you don't start smiling you can leave early."etc.

Which would have been fine and dandy except never once did I see one of my bosses go up to one of the guys who was working with me and say the same thing. Why? Because guys don't have to smile when they're serving. Customers will already tip them well because they feel sorry that a man has to take such a lowly job and of course he wouldn't/shouldn't/couldn't be happy about it.

But as a woman I'm supposed to exude warmth. I'm supposed to make you think that I care about making your eating experience extravagant.

Please. Nobody deserves to have to have those kinds of jobs. Which is why everyone should have to do it at least a year out of their life--like the Israel Army except more passive aggressive than aggressive.

Anyhoo, the service industry has prevented me from smiling because I don't want to do what others say, particularly when it is condescending and misogynist. Duh.

But I don't serve anymore. I am no longer your service provider. My years of servitude are over.

And so, now, I feel like it may be a good time to start smiling again. Though I don't really have the face for it. Or the teeth.

The pissy-aggressive-scary-attitude face has worked wonders for me over the years. But I'm getting older and I'm losing that spark that makes people more fascinated than intimidated.

Now most people just think I'm a bitch. Which is probably true to some degree.

But, I'm really not that pissy.

Well, only when I go out in public.

So when I'm at home I am going to attempt to smile more often. And perhaps when I go out in public people won't piss me off as much.

I can just Smile! Because it makes me feel better. Because the sun is shining. Because the birds are chirping. Because I'm not serving anymore. Because life is pretty alright most of the time.

My particular life--the world though, the world could use a good make-over. But I shouldn't take the world's problems out on myself. I didn't cause all of this. What right do I have to be angry about it ALL of the time. It does me and everyone around me no good.

Kill them with kindness--the old cliche goes--I wonder if they'd literally die. . . hmmm I'll have to try it sometime. The last thing they'll see before they keel over--my smiling face shining down on them.

Yes. I'm totally going to start smiling more.