Sunday, December 13, 2009

Words on: Really Ugly Women who try to look Really Hot (and fail)

This happens every once in a while. I am on facebook. I see someone I know tagged in an album. I think, why not and I go through it. I don’t know why I do this—I guess I want to see what people are wearing or perhaps looking at other humans is just a general habit all people have.

But, some times I just can’t help but come across one that makes me say “damn” (and not damn in that long drawn-out swooping sounding damn; I mean damn that shot is disturbing).

What is it that catches my eye and hurts it so much? Usually a woman, of about my age, orange tan, too much orange foundation, too much black eyeliner, too much processed hair; too much of every stereotypical product that exists to “enhance” feminine features. Too much to the point where the woman looks like a witch or a troll or an inflated and then squished Bratz doll.

Whoever you are—and you know who you are because your Walmart and Target and Sally’s receipts convict you—please, STOP. You would look more gorgeous if you toned it down, JUST a smidgen. Go a day without the raccoon look, try a pixie-do while you’re hair heals from all the damage you’ve done to it. Perhaps, since it is winter and you’re presumably in the Midwest—knock off the fake fucking tan. We all know you haven’t been to the Bahamas. We all know you got that from a bottle. And it looks like someone vomited baby carrot food all over your face. And no one wants to lick that off.

I’ll admit. Maybe I should just quit looking at facebook albums. But, I can’t. Maybe I do secretly enjoy the train wrecks of other people’s failed beauty attempts not like every photo ever taken of me has been amazing, but that’s not the point. The point is, quit trying so hard to look good for facebook photo albums and stupid frats boys. I’m not telling you that you would be happier if you took more time enjoying life and less time bleaching your hair, I’m just hinting that you may want to do less work to look better.

It is FACEbook. We all have to look at YOUR face when you put it online for people to see. And personally. I prefer to not want to gouge my eyes outs.

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