I finally got where I wanted. Both of my degrees are being put to use in the non-profit I'm working for and the paper I'm writing at. I have jobs.
This is what I've been trying to get to all my life-- a good job working for something I believe in and want to make better. Helping women who have cancer become mothers isn't a bad job. It is at least a meaningful job.
And yet I feel scared.
Scared that now I am where I have been trying to get with no immediate new goals in mind and that I might get stuck in a routine where I become boring and bored.
Especially with Ryan. Becoming. Emerging. He'll soon be jet-setting around the world making massive installation pieces in fancy gallery spaces and I'll be like, send me a postcard if you have a minute and he won't. Have a minute that is.
I mean, I also feel happy that I have succeeded in my goals. And I should probably just take some time to relax and enjoy being where I am right now before deciding what my next big-time goal will be. I just don't want to settle. If I don't have a new big-goal now will I have the time, energy, desire to have one later? I've never not had one. And that's what worries me most.
It's OK to do both - enjoy where you are and also set some new, exciting goals for yourself. Life will unfold how it will. If not now, when?
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel. You are, and should be grateful. Think of the big picture of your life and how these accomplishments and positions are a part of a larger path. You are moving, not stagnant, even if you do this for a while. Think about the next goal and how you can shape what you are doing with this stuff and how if can be shaped to get you to the next thing. As far as Ryan goes; Tonya and I have had to deal with that stuff too. Love birds fly together and fly apart and fly together again. The individual needs to make themselves happy to bring their happy self to the relationship. ...Now I am rambling. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteNot always having big goals is not necessarily a bad thing or a lack of ambition - it could also mean living in the moment. Just like everything else, there are two ways to look at it. It's OK to be scared, just don't let it overpower you! You'll be fine! Try taking it easy on yourself! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone :) I'll go try to meditate now, haha.
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