Friday, March 19, 2010

Putting the "Made" in Made of Honor

In a few hours I will be in my first and last wedding ever…as the “made” of honor (I am not cleaning up after anyone so don’t call me a maid). Anyhoo, I am nervous for myself. Mostly, I am nervous that I will 1) Not be able to stand still (especially in heels) 2) That I will not be able to keep a straight face 3) That I will not be able to keep my mouth shut.

So I’m going to open it now. I’m going to try to get it all out so I can go in there and respect her decision (I do respect her decision or I wouldn’t be in the wedding).

What bothers me the most is the passing off of the bride. (For a beautiful moment in time I forgot that they even did it that way anymore.) She walks down the aisle with her father. Then he passes her to the husband and there is maybe one second where she is not connected to any man. I am sorry, but she is not a possession. She is an independent woman who can survive (if she wanted to) on her own. Why can’t the husband and wife come out together and unite as one instead of having the hand-off? I know I am being pretty nit-picky here but it’s a very symbolic moment. A moment symbolizing everything I do not believe in. How can you trust it’s going to be an equal relationship if she can’t even be trusted to walk in by herself? (I closed my eyes during this part in the rehearsal. I plan to do the same at the wedding or I may puke.)

Now, it is not in my right to tell another person how they should choreograph their wedding… but I have a Master’s Degree in Over-Analyzing so I can’t help but notice.

I really just want her to be happy. It doesn’t seem like anyone is very happy at a wedding to be quite frank. Everyone seems to be stressing out, planning, decorating, being forced to talk to strangers (where some end up being cool but others end up being assholes.) Being forced to wear heels and makeup and hairspray and puffy dresses—all of which can be fun but when there are 400 people staring I can only imagine the self-consciousness that will be setting in.

Oh, and can I just say that Kelsi warned people about me. And can I just say I really wanted to be a fly on the wall for that conversation, muhahaha.

“Umm…I’m inviting my feminist, anti-monogamist, anti-patriarchy, anti-capitalist, anti-racist friend to be in my wedding… she’s a bit off her rocker, you probably won’t get along, please don’t ask her what she does, or what she believes in, or if she’s getting married because she might bite your face off.”

“oh my, do you think she has rabies?”

“Oh, probably. Keep her away from your babies too.”

“Of course, of course.”

At least that’s what I’m picturing the convo sounding like….

Again. We all stress out under these situations. Even the people making the decision to spend their lives together are probably freaking out a bit even though they’ve had plenty of time to think this through and confirm. We all have different ideas of where we see our futures and how we get ourselves there. Mine is a bit “off the rocker” of mainstream conformity, but I’m not going to disassociate with people who make choices that I personally disagree—why? Because I believe we all deserve choices and we all deserve to go down the path that makes us the happiest, the most joy-filled, the most loved.

Because that’s all we need right?

(and if love is all we need, do we really need a ceremony…shit I can’t end without a sly comment can I?)

Let me try again.

I respect Kelsi’s choice to get married because she respects my choice not to. I will support her decisions because I know she is doing what she wants and she is doing all she can to get the most out of her life, just like me but totally different. I find that beautiful, people who can get together upon completely opposite viewpoints and enjoy each others company and respect each others lives. . .

And finally, I hope she can respect my decision to sip vodka during the whole event because I’m going to need it… :)

1 comment:

  1. I have been to SO many weddings where the bride is "given" away. It makes me upset every time. There is no reason this action should still take place in our culture.

    I agree with you on life and choice; to each their own. But I will still continue to criticize culture and it's sexist ways until we can move along in life and make the choice as a culture to operate out of another paradigm.