Sunday, March 28, 2010

Becoming a Professional Sneezer

If I could just detached my head from my body and clean out the clogs I think I would feel much better. For the past few days I have been giving myself an half-assed Egyptian mummification, blowing my brains out through my nostrils. I haven't been putting my brain-pieces in a jar to take with my to the afterlife though, which may be a problem since I soon will not be able to formulate sentences properly.

In most cases I like the idea of spring cleaning--getting rid of that which is no longer needed, but I would really appreciate it if my body would not literally participate in this practice. Sure the seasons are changing but I do not need nor do I appreciate a physical reaction for proof.

I have shit to do. But since I need a functioning brain to do such shit and since I have major brain blockage no shit is getting done. Which is annoying me. If I could just get all this junk out of my head, I would be back to my unnormal self.

I got this email which said to put an onion by your bed, it supposedly soaks up all the bad bacteria in the air helping you get better quicker. We did this when Ryan was sick and he claimed it worked. Then I got sick. So I guess it just proves I absorbed more of Ryan's nasty bacteria than the onion did. When I tried the onion trick last night all that came out of it was a funny smelling room (which isn't that big of a deal right now since I have a non-functioning nose). I guess I'll try the onion trick one more night and if I am not better tomorrow I'll just stick to eating them.

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