Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Freud forgot Vaginal Jealousy

I’ve never suffered from what Freud would call “penis envy” not in the literal physical sense anyway, perhaps in the more metaphorical way that the penis seems to represent power and control in our culture. Of course, like all curious creatures, I have wondered what it feels like to have a penis, to penetrate and ejaculate and all the weird stuff that penis do. So. At the drag ball I stuffed myself. I would have to admit having a penis is hard…. (I’ll allow you to come up with your own boner joke here). Perhaps my sock was too big, but it kept moving around in my pants, never staying where I wanted it to and making me walk weird everywhere I went. Having a penis and attempting to dance “like a man” proved more difficult of a task. I never realized how closely knit I kept my body parts as a female, when I dance I keep everything together in a simple flow, though while trying to imitate masculinity all my moves were boxy and completely unnatural.

To me, having a penis-sock for one night made me realize why many men have power issues. Women are connected to their bodies, to nature, to birth and men have little understanding of this. Instead of embracing women’s’ contributions to society they downplay women’s worth so as to feel more important about themselves. Of course this is a simple generalization, but in my observations men in our culture are allowed only a few representations of emotions; they’re taught they should always be rational, linear, strong, powerful, in complete control. Men are only allowed to show masculine qualities. My question is if men, generally speaking, showed more of a balance between masculine and feminine traits would life really be so bad for them? What actually would happen if they let go of control for a moment. Surely what hangs down between their legs can’t possible have that much control over their actions and reactions.

I understand the discomfort, but I can never understand why women should be envious of that. Maybe the “penis envy” theory is just a Freudian cover-up of the real issue, that of feminine jealousy. The regret men have due to the fact that they feel confined to particular roles that they never wanted to play… or never got the option to play anything else.

In any case. I am happy to have a detachable penis that I never have to attach again. Being a man isn’t necessarily that challenging (except when it comes to dancing), but I have better skills and training as a woman--or as a person who has the opportunity to balance both femininity and masculinity and create an identity that is somewhere in between the gender divide. Where everyone should at least attempt to go.

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