Super Birthday Powers! (Would Help Everyone)

Ever since I was a young girl what I always wanted on my birthday was to turn into a witch, like Sabrina or magically come down with badass fighting skills like Buffy. Of course, my sixteenth birthday passed with no such luck. But I didn't give up. I thought, well just because they're 16 in the movies doesn't mean in real life I have to be 16 when it happens.

Yes. That is correct. I thought I could still get the fantastical skills but I thought the entertainment industry was lying to me about when it would happen.

Now. Today. I am 26. Ten years later and I have yet to wake up with the power to stop time or reverse it. I don't have a talking cat. And I've never killed a vampire.

Yet.

I'm not giving up. Who doesn't want super powers? And why do I have to be a teenager to get them?

Now that I'm older and "more mature" my super powers would be used for the good of humanity and not just to get boys to fall in love with me. Doesn't that make me deserving? Isn't it my time?

Okay, so maybe Hollywood uses that particular "magic-power" plot-line as a way to carry stories and make them more interesting. I'm okay with that. If you can give me some of those powers, get me a reality-tv show!

Watch me smash the patriarchy!

See me super-kick rapists in the crotch!

Slap racists across the mouth!

Rip misogynists' brains out and replace them with smarts!

Follow me as I end oppression one ism at a time!

Pay close attention as I sprinkle glitter all over the world!

Now, wouldn't that be a good show?