Focus (or lack there of)
I think this is becoming a bigger and bigger issue for people. With the ability to click click click on the internet without ever really settling in to read a longish article, or the ability to see what a friend is doing without calling them, or even asking them; plus the fact that I personally want to accomplish so many things that I end up getting overwhelmed and just watching Netflix because I can’t decide, or the projects are too big, or the ideas aren’t solid enough.
I am mixed on this practice but I’m going to give in a try and see if it helps. I don’t think it’s going to hurt anything.
I’m pretty happy with the fact that once I moved to Boulder I didn’t just sit and sulk in my apartment. I went out right away and volunteered for different organizations, and I started an internship almost immediately after getting here, which has, for the most part, been a very positive experience—plus I’ve met some really amazing people and I can’t complain about that.
I think I could be a really great comedian…but I’m not. That being said I should really cut back on the judging. Mainly I judge strangers, so no one is really harmed, as they have no idea what I’m even saying about them, but I am putting negativity into the world by being mean. And I’m sure most people around me laugh only because they don’t want to become the person I make fun of. In other words, I can be a mega-bitch. It must be my low-self esteem masked by an appearance of extreme egotism.
I know, it’s boring to be nice and the golden rule is about as fun as golden showers but just like I’m doing this post, with every mean thing I say about someone I have to counter that with something nice, or positive, preferably saying the positive thing first, and the negative thing not at all, but this is going to take some work.
elephant journal writing
I feel that by writing feminist/LGTBQ articles etc. on elephant journal specifically, I am able to get those ideas out to people who don’t already completely think that way already, unlike sites like Jezebel, Bitch, Bust…. who already have a mainly feminist following, I think writing about these sort of topics on a more general site is quite powerful and makes me feel that my voice is being heard—and maybe even sometimes listened to. Yay!
Many people think I’m a badass. Well, here’s a shocker for you all. I am not.
Well, I am, actually, but I could be EVEN more of a badass if I believed in myself and my ideas more. I often keep silent because we, Women and Gender studies graduates have learned to “pick our battles,” and honestly I don’t think I pick to get into enough.
More Heated Debates
I honestly feel frightened that I’m going to be labeled the “token feminist,” the annoying one who “won’t let anything go,” the person people are going to be afraid to talk around, but you know, if people are afraid they’ll say something wrong around a feminist, then perhaps they shouldn’t be talking. I mean fuck them. They obviously know that what they’re saying is misogynistic, or sexist, or gender stereotyping—they’re the ones who should feel bad, not me.
So—instead of “picking my battles,” I’m just going to fucking battle. Which means I’m going to need a lot of coffee and a lot of back-up. I must prepare to fight—if I want anything to change I can’t keep quiet and let people continue to be assholes. Just because I’m afraid I’ll “hurt their feelings,” or perhaps more afraid that I won’t win my argument. I'm not here to "shove my beliefs down everyone's throats," but I am here to defend them and I'm not going to back off just because people love to bring other people down (particularly people love to degrade and humiliate feminists because it's common protocol in the U.S.) excuse us for wanting to end oppression. (I'll go into more of this tomorrow).
So it doesn't work out so well in the judgmental category, but it works well when I turn that honesty inward (and I hope, when I turn on my battle fights).
The fact that I am capable of understanding my flaws, exposing them, and also having the willingness to work on them is pretty good.
Alright. Well. I think that's plenty to work on. We shall see how well I improve myself this year.
Cheers to 2011.
I'm happy to be back.