Before My Brain Explodes.

I think I may be turning into a hypochondriac—would it be considered post-modern to think you're getting the disease that’s about thinking you’re getting diseases? Sort of funny. But not really.

Ryan makes fun of me because I am a weak creature. I can only take one Excedrin because there is too much caffeine in them they make me jittery. I can’t really do any illegal drugs (besides them being illegal) because if I can’t take the recommended dose of pain reliever I don’t even want to know what would happen if I did a line. I’d probably die. Or my nose would fall off. Or I’d think my nose was falling off.

I went to Urgent Care about two weeks ago because I couldn’t breathe. I called the people at the Women’s clinic because they said if my blood pressure was still high they’d recommend a doctor. Anyway they freaked out on me, causing me to freak out and have an even more difficult time breathing. I was rushed in. Cutting in line from people who had been waiting hours, which also freaked me out because I felt guilty, which made it even more difficult to breathe, which made me start to cry which really didn't help in any way.

I was eventually told that I had an inflamed chest wall or something along those lines and just needed to take ibuprofen.

During the same time the doctor also discovered I had a heart murmur. And awhile ago the eye doctor said that I had a slight hole in my eyeball and if I notice any flashers to come back in and they’ll suture it up (because if it doesn’t heal itself my eyeball will start leaking into my brain—or something equally gross).

So anyway. Every day I think that there is something really wrong with me. I think my heart is going to explode or my brain is going to burst. I think that I might be developing schizophrenia because I had a really weird dream the other night that indicated there we multiple personalities inside my head that I would some day have to murder. And my throat always hurts.

Anyway because of all of these personal issues I have decided for real this time to start meditating. I’ve thought about it often. Usually something like: I could meditate or I could watch Netflix. I could meditate or I could eat a sandwich. The last time I tried I fell asleep. Which is pretty much what I’m afraid is going to happen again since I woke up before the sun even did.

But as I said last time, it's not going to hurt anything. It's not like I'm short on time (unless of course it isn't hypochondria at all and I really will implode from the inside).

I'll keep you all updated.