Thursday, March 18, 2010

I've decided I don't want you to Touch me with Your Hand

Who came up with the concept that you should have a firm grip when you shake someone’s hand because it shows you’re confident/assertive/in control etc? I want to find that person and punch that person in the face. Whoever came to this idea and decided to spread it around is a jackass. Why? Because now no one even shakes your hand they just squeeze it. They squeeze it like it’s a game of mercy—whoever let’s go first is the loser. They squeeze it like they want to break all the bones in your hand.

And let’s me honest. It no longer proves anything about anyone because everyone knows you’re supposed to firmly grip the other’s person’s hand.

I have a suggestion. How about we don’t touch each other’s hands at all? I don’t know where your hand has been, it could have been up your own ass for all I know. If you really think about it what’s a handshake for anyway? Is it like our Avatar tail? We touch you on the outside so we know what you’re like on the inside? Except now we can’t get any sense of each other because the person shaking your hand cuts off all circulation before any meaning is sent through.

Thus making me come to the conclusion that you—hand smasher—are probably just an asshole.

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