Sunday, October 30, 2011

Okay, Seriously...Cupid?

I didn't realize that being single was actually going to be a full-time job. I understand now why long-term relationships happen--the game is ridiculous. I joined OK Cupid just for kicks and I got over 50 different dude messages in 2 days. 50 guys in 2 days. I bet there's a porn with that title somewhere. . . anyway. It's exhausting. And I haven't even gone on a date with any of them yet. I have though learned how to narrow it down.

Here are 10 reasons why I won't date you.

1) You have "dick," "sex," "lonely," "desperate," "horny," "psycho," some sort of animal, or some sort of combination of those words as your screen name.

2) You have a picture of yourself shooting a gun. Why do you think women like this? They don't.

3) You don't have a picture at all. Or you just have one and it's like a black and white close up of half of your face.

4) You ask to see me on my webcam.

5) This isn't a complete deal-breaker but, if you have a picture of yourself on a mountain, or climbing a mountain, or out on a trail...this is Boulder and that has become cliche.

6) You write a sentence that reads something like, "hey hot stuff, what u up to..." or "feeling frisky tonight?" etc.

7) You send me an incredibly long (or short) erotic fiction story.

8) You make some lame comment about some part of my body like, "I like the shape of your boobs."

9) You write sentences that just don't make sense.

10) You're ugly. (Oh yeah, I know that sounds really mean, but I know not every one thinks I'm attractive and I don't feel the need to act like physical attraction doesn't play a role in all of this.)

All of these things have happened AND more! Oh the single life, I still don't get how people do it.

(Here's an example...if you can read it)

1 comment:

  1. Yikes! With your prowess, you could help the department that tracks sexual predators! Sheesh! The grammar in the little conversation above made my brain implode!