Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Habitating with my Habits.

I have never had a manicure. But I have the most obsessive compulsive habit of picking at my nails. It mostly occurs when I have to sit in one place longer than I can handle such as in a classroom or during a movie. It’s a never ending habit because fingers are always grabbing things and those things often get under one’s nails. Mine break a lot too, but only when I go somewhere and don’t have clippers or a file or anything to fix them. So I have to deal with this jagged sword of a nail all day long; to me it’s as annoying as a canker-sore on the tongue, something that keeps irritating me and something I keep irritating as I try to make it magically go away by bothering it too much. I am actually afraid to get a manicure now because I think if I do I’ll have to leave my nails alone to keep them looking good and I don’t know if I am capable of doing that. When I was younger I went through a phase where I felt it necessary to paint my nails every other day. I had like 40 different shades of polish. Now, I rarely wear it and when I do I feel like my fingers are mad at me for suffocating them with paint. So I pick at the polish until they can breathe again. Perhaps my nails are my ten little anxiety outlets, perhaps I need a new habit, but really, what other compulsivity is as readily available, cheap and easy to do? Definitely not a manicure. I know some people who knit, and though it would keep my hands busy I am way to frugal to start up a hobby just to wane my inability to sit still. Such is life I suppose, we all have our things, our habits, annoying or not. We must learn to live with ourselves and those around us who may be clipper happy or toe-popping mad. Our bodies are weird and what our minds make them do is so much weirder...

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