Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You Are Too Fat (And I Like It).

I'm going to take a moment to be complete honest.

The best thing about facebook is seeing people from high school/ undergrad that I never liked who are now fat.

It really just gives me a a little thrill. My body tingles with joy when they come up on my newsfeed in someone else's (of whom I liked) photo albums and I catch a glimpse of the person who used to be in shape now overflowing with the left-over calories of too many naty-lights or busch lights or whatever they're drinking down in the big K-A-N.

I'm most excited when I find out an ex has put on massive poundage. My heart races, I start to perspire, I take a big breath in, wipe the sweat from my brow and sigh with relief, "at least I got out of that one in time." And, I like to think I had them at "their peak."(I'm sure they think otherwise, hence the breaking up part).

I am slightly disappointed though as I imagined more people from my past would be overweight by now. Especially those from high school. They've have plenty of time.

Isn't there some percentage that all classes must reach? Like 3/4 must gain 20 to 50 pounds, 1/2 must pop out kids and/or get married and like 1/16 must actually do something cool with their lives?

Not that I'm doing anything that cool, which is why I probably find happiness in other people's misery. Or I'm just an asshole. But, I don't really care. Why? Because I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, I'm just the only one mean/brave/evil enough to say it out loud.

Of course, this means I will have to keep hardcore working out, so, I myself, don't fall into the fat trap, but I guess that's part of the point. I say it out-loud and thus I force myself to not become a hypocrite or a walking contradiction etc. Though I've always been a curvy creature, I think they like to call it voluptuous, but that's my cross to bear.

And what about the people from back in the day who I like/d who have now gained weight? Nothing. Indifference. Why? Because they aren't assholes. So their weight means nothing to me. I don't find that it makes a difference in who they are as people, because they are still badass and/or cool.

Whereas the assholes who were assholes then are still assholes now, the only difference is that I can't take them as seriously because they look like rolly-pollies. And that makes me so happy inside.

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