Monday, April 12, 2010
The Art of : Egalitiarianism
Here's the deal, several people that I know and love dearly are getting married, or have gotten married recently. Today is not the day for me to go on my anti-marriage rant but besides me personally not wanting to do it if other people feel the need more power to them. And when I say more power to them, what I really mean is whether or not you're married or in some other sort of monogamous relationship it should be egalitarian. This does not mean that there is always perfect harmony, but it does mean that a balance is always sought after. It's sharing responsibilities both domestically and capitalistically; both cleaning, both getting some sort of income.
This does not mean that every month the chores have to be split right down the middle; if one of you actually enjoys washing dishes and the other one of you doesn't mind vacuuming then why trade?
An egalitarian relationship does not mean that you both have to bring in the exact same amount of income (because really how can anyone control that) but I do believe that bills should be split accordingly. If one of you eats more than the other one--that person should buy more groceries. If one of you is online more, or takes longer showers or whatever the case may be, balance it.
I do not find this theory hard to practice. I think it helps with the power dynamics of the relationship where no one feels they are taking advantage or being taken advantage of.
According to some statistic I read awhile ago: (sorry I am not going to go look it up for you because I memorized it.)
Married men live longer and are happier than single men.
Single women live longer and are happier than married women.
BUT people who live the longest and are the happiest are couples who practice having an egalitarian relationship.
(I do not know how they measured happiness, but I guess if the person in the study knew immediately that they were generally unhappy that would be a good clue. )
In any case, whether you decide to legalize your relationship through a government document or you just keep pushing on, I believe the way to a more complete existence is by always striving for harmony; whether it is achieve or not is up to the couple and the circumstances, but it can be done.