Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Move Over or I'll Plow You....

My biggest pet peeve is people and since that’s vague my second biggest pet peeve is people who do not understand sidewalk etiquette. They drive me absolutely mad and it happens on a daily basis. I cannot leave my apartment without someone being incredibly and totally obnoxious. Since I find this so problematic I decided the best way to release my anger-filled energy toward them is to write about them. Sometimes funny, weird or interesting things happen as well so I’ll include those to even things out. I plan to do this as often as it occurs but here are the ones from the last few days.

July 11 2009

I was walking to the Devon market (the best grocery store for fresh products around) and as I was crossing the street and I ended up behind this woman about my age in a bright red dress, she had big curly brown shoulder length hair and was drinking a cold coffee beverage. Everything seemed normal at first and she was walking a decent pace, but then she started singing to herself. She didn’t have a i-pod, she was just singing and walking in really loud flip flops.

Now perhaps I’m prejudice about people who sing to themselves in public without any music, but I’m pretty sure everyone who does it is crazy. Singing alone in the privacy of your own apartment while cleaning the dishes or taking a shower makes sense, but out in the open is too Disney Princess for me.

Finally I got around her thinking she was just weird and perhaps too happy, but then all I could hear was her swooshing flip flops following me and my brain about imploded with the sound and the idea that birds and squirrels may actually follow her around until she marries her prince.

I made it into the safety of the store and was saved from a flip out from her flip flops.

July 12 2009

Everything so far had been peaceful. Ryan and I were walking along the lake front in the evening all the way from Granville to Bryn Mawr. We got on a trail to turn around and happened to end up behind two little old ladies. Every time one of the women took a step she farted. And it was loud. It was impossible not to crack up laughing. We had to turn around and go the other way.

July 14, 2009

I was coming back from a long run. I was tired and just trying to focus on my breathing. For some strange reason the sidewalk on my return journey off the trail was completely packed with people, but they were generally respectful of the other people around them; except these two women perhaps a few years younger than me who were walking on the sidewalk like they were from England or something. They weren’t moving to the other side. A step away before I plowed over them they finally moved; but that wasn’t the end. Right as I was passing the woman furthest from me she stuck out her arm and tried to stick her hand in my face. If I wasn’t utterly taken aback and exhausted I probably would have confronted her. As I told Ryan upon my return, interruption of my personal space has gone too far; before I leave Chicago I know I’m going to punch someone in the face. I’ve never actually punched anyone. I’ve done a lot of double time taebo practice though so they’re going to regret f-ing with me. Word.

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