Let's Party Like We're Grandmas.

As I've gotten older I often wake up, hung-over, wondering why I did that again.

I mean seriously. Why did I do that again, knowing that I was going to feel like shit the entire day?

And another thing. Why do we go to bars?

I don't get it.

We go to the bar with a group of people, sit around with that group of people, only talk to that group of people, while judging all the other groups of people sitting around judging the other groups of people.

And for what? A future of bad hearing, debt, and liver cancer?

Wouldn't it make more sense for the group to just hang out at one of the members' houses? It's quiet. You can play the music you like, and generally it's cheaper (that is, if everyone BYOB's and doesn't mooch off of host's stock).

Also...it can be done earlier...so we can get to bed at a decent hour.

Old grannie, you call me?

Fine.

I like bingo.

I like Wheel of Fortune.

I like blue hair.

I like crocheted kleenex boxes. (not really).

I can't wait until I'm old and get to live in one of those community centers where we have weekend dances, where I won't have to leave the building to get my hair did or eat dinner.

I mean, I can wait. But I'm very excited for it. (yes I should probably just go live in a commune...whatever).

Anyway, I digress. Is it so wrong to want to be social and yet want to not waste the entire next day? I don't think so.

Control you suggest.

Well, even if I don't drink as much but we're still out until 3 a.m. — we're still out until 3 a.m. And I like to get a good 8 to ten hours of sleep.

But it's like some people can't seem to become fun until they think they're parents have gone to bed or something. I mean hello. They. Don't. Care. They were once almost just like you, and if they were just the opposite of you, why do you care, they sound like assholes?

Finally.

What's better than a good heated debate over cyborgs, or the art of being a hipster, or eating cheese? Or whatever weird topics people in circles seem to come up with while drinking. It's hard (though possible) to have these discussions in bars, but it's really easy to have them in someone's living room.

And if things get real steamy between certain people--a bedroom is only steps away. . .