Friday, July 16, 2010

Why I Wouldn't Want to be a Vampire

I just finished the second season of Tru Blood. Since we watched them on DVD, 2 to 3 at a time I've had vivid dreams, not quite nightmares but not really pleasant. The show is rather silly if you think about it, humans falling in love with vampires, humans shape shifting into other animals, maidens of satan warping human minds causing orgies and over-indulgence.

In any case, vampires today are "it"; they are our human obsession, everyone seems to want to be one or do one and well I doubt I'd shoo a hot vampire away if he wanted to get it on, I know that I would never want them to turn me, to "make me." And here are the only two reasons I need.

1) Food. Vampires only drink blood, because well, they're dead. I enjoy eating food (and drinking) too much, ice cream, lasagna, apples, strawberries, vodka tonics, margaritas, french bread, salsa, giant over-stuffed burritos, smashed potatoes, chocolate, garlic! All of that and more would be gone for eternity, which brings me to my next point.

2) Immortality. Ick. If I can no longer eat, which is one of my main pleasures in this life why would I want to live FOREVER? I've met people. I don't think I'd want to be here forever and watch the stupidity repeat itself over and over again. The only positive thing about being a vampire would be my ability to help with population control. But seriously. I know, the idea of immortality seems beautiful and grand in theory, but the more I've thought about it the more boring living forever has become. Of course I am aware that I will never be able to experience all that life has to offer, but isn't that kind of the point? To not regret or neglect each day you're given. To take in as much as you can?

Sure vampires are "hot" right now but undoubtedly that sucking blood thing will lose it's charm eventually and become, well, gross. In the meantime I will enjoy my garlic bread and sunlight and the thoughts of my certain ultimate demise (I hope later than sooner).

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