Monday, November 21, 2011

Post Break-Up Update. News + Drama + Top 20 List.

I think this could be the messiest my life has ever been. But, in regards to messes, I've seen others that have been much worse (*cough* gossip girl). Thus, I don't want to complain because I know it's all going to work out. The major problem is that I am not comfortable being in the in-between. The space of unanswered questions, where I seem to be waiting, wondering, wandering, basically floating.

I've never been a floater.
Here's the story in case you've been out of town. . . when my ex and I broke up, the founder of the non-profit I work for offered her home to me to live and work in--I accepted as it worked out best for both of us--I got away from the toxic "ex" space and she got to live with me... or better yet she no longer had to pay me a salary as I got paid in room and board.

All of this was fine and dandy until OK Cupid came into our lives.

(Can I just say OK Cupid has created a lot of recent drama in my life.)

She fell in love.


I am not one to judge the speed at which others fall in love--though I will admit to being rather bitter about "love" right now anyway, considering--but now, she is moving out of the house we were roomies in and into his house.

Leaving me in purgatory.

I don't know how long I can stay or where I should go when I am forced to leave.


I quit roller derby.

I know, it's sad. I only made it to three practices, which just goes to show my commitment level to life right now is just not very high. Probably because my number one priority is not playing a game, but figuring out my reality.

Instead of actually sitting down and figuring out my reality I've been choosing distraction, usually in the form of food and television. I'm pretty sure I've finally gained back all the weight I lost during the break-up, which is rather sad considering I could fit into skinny jeans rather well. (I'll fast after the holiday.)

Anyhoo, so at this point in my life I could essentially go anywhere and do (almost) anything. This has never happened. I have always had a plan. Life without a plan is frightening. Debilitating. Long and short at the same time.

Here are some of my options:

1) Move to Denver and stay working for the non-profit/ find a supplemental job.
2) Move somewhere in Boulder and keep on keeping on.
3) Search the entire country for new jobs and move to one of those.
4) Put all my shit in storage and couch-surf around the country.
5) Move to South America.
6) Find a sugar daddy (mommy).
7) Occupy
8) No, mom, I will not move back in with you.
9) Find a witch and have her turn me into a cat.
10) Find a witch and have her put a wealth spell on me so I win the lottery (yeah, even if I don't buy a ticket)
11) Buy a lottery ticket.
12) Find someone driving somewhere, catch a ride and disappear.
13) Rent a room from someone.
14) Eat more pie.
15) Start doing lots of drugs.
16) Become a prostitute.
17) Ride a horse off into the sunset.
18) Find a psychic and have her tell me what's in store.
19) Pretend I have some sort of addiction and go to rehab.
20) Jump trains for days.


  1. 21) go to therapy and have a professional help you... these choices are crazy hard! i know you will make it though. :)

  2. Hahaha I can't afford a professional, that's what you all are for!!!!

  3. I like Option 3. *hugs* Take it easy on yourself, and by that, I don't mean, "Let things slide". I mean, "try not to be too hard on yourself".