Friday, October 15, 2010

Another Cargo Pants Incident.

Dear Drunk Guy at the Bar:

I just want to clarify, I was not laughing at you, merely laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Don't take this the wrong way, but when I'm already dancing with five beautiful people and you come up, point at me, then at yourself, followed by a mouthing of the word "dance," I may find the demand interesting for a moment, but only for a moment.

You see, the attraction to your assertiveness was undermined when I looked down and noticed you were wearing pleated cargo pants. You see Drunk Guy, we were at a bar, not standing around a bunch of cubicles at some mega corporation. And when I noticed your pleated-pants-covered-legs doing some really disgraceful dance moves, I could not help but laugh. Anyone would. (Maybe they wouldn't keel over in laughter like I did, but they would laugh none the less).

Now please, I don't want to be "that" girl who ruins men's self esteem, but sometimes you just need to realize that certain things will never work in your attempt to get laid.

But don't give up. I'm rooting for you. I'm sure there is a pleated pants girl just waiting for you, right around the corner, at TGIFridays or Staples or Outback Steak House.

I really do hope you had an enjoyable evening, even though I was rather a bitch to you. I didn't mean it (well obviously I kind of did).

Sometimes I wish National Geographic would do a series on "human bar rituals" as I think it would be rather entertaining to make fun of ourselves at the common mating watering holes we call bars--don't you think? I'm just saying we all have our "ways" of communicating and trying to get what we want. Some are just better at it then others. It often takes years of practice. I'm sure you'll get it down soon though (especially after you read this, if you read this, though I don't know how you'd be reading this unless you're another one of my stalkers which if that's the case I'll need to write you a whole new letter).

In any case Drunk Guy, it's been swell. I hope you're not too hung over today, though if I were you I would have gotten completely hammered just to forget about being seen in public in pleated pants, but that's just if I were you.

Have a beautiful day,

Love (don't get any ideas),

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