So. I’ve recently discovered I have a problem (I mean, I obviously have multiple problems but I am now aware of this one) the problem is I get crushes on people based on the sound of their names... I have this weird fetish for vowel-y type names, like the ones that roll off your tongue. I do not know what’s wrong with me. But if the name is like a little haiku or just beautiful sounding in general I will probably be crushing on that person. Which is really weird because the person often isn’t as great as the name; I find this disappointing over and over again. It really brings up questions on what’s in a name, and if a name really determines a person or not. Like, Krystal. Sparkling clear glass. I think that’s pretty accurate. But what do names like Jake or Mike or Ben really do? These people have to work really hard at creating an identity that is more than their name. Which may be why names don’t matter or aren’t as determining as people want to believe.
BECAUSE the ones with the weird cool names don’t have to try as hard--they’re already born with interestingness labeled on them. Even if they themselves aren’t interesting.
But who am I to determine who is interesting in general? I can only determine who's interesting to me and I think I need to stop crushing on people just because they sound nice, literally, but aren't literally nice (I'm sure some are, but it's not like, based on the sounds of their names).
Ugh.
Really what I was thinking is that I should not be crushing on these people but their parents, like whoever named them. Those are probably the interesting people.
Unless it's a last name and then I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that. . .
Yep.
Stop asking people their names I guess. This is the new plan. Then I won't crush on them and problem solved!
I am aware that there is a movie coming out with this title. But I know nothing about the actual concept and I’m guessing it follows the romantic comedy genre exactly so that means—guess what—it’s not really friends—with—benefits. (Now I’m going to start abbreviating it FwB btw.)
What is FwB and how do two (or more) people make it work.
Well, first off, it doesn’t work.
But it does.
It works only as long as the two people involved can stay on the same page in regards to what they want. This is exactly how any relationship works and how all relationships that end (friends, lovers, companions) fail.
FwB is a relationship dynamic designed for the less-committal, the less-prepared for seriousness, the less-desiring of long-term long-haul love—in all actuality it’s designed exactly for ME!!!
What makes it seem like an impossible relationship dynamic for both sexes (any sex combo) comes from:
1) An underlying egotism 2) Fear of rejection 3) Fear of unforeseen future drama
No one wants to be the state someone passes through on their way to a better state, but let’s be serious we’re not all meant to be together forever. The very fact that we’re not all meant to be together forever should be the very reason why more FwB relationships exist.
Shorter time-span relationships that are beautifuldynamicsparklyfunsmartsexysensualchill.
As I mentioned before, people want to feel loved, duh. I’d say most people though, want endless love—that is someone to love them FOREVER. But let’s slow down for a second-- anytime you love someone that love exists in the universe forever—so if you’ve ever been loved you can’t be un-loved, just maybe not loved at that very second ha! (okay, too heady moving on. . .)
If we worked on getting over the notion that our love is limited than we would be less possessive of other people’s love and more of it could spread around (not like herpes, but like oxygen)--we could all feel it a little more.
So the scariest part, the part that keeps us from proceeding into this type of relationship is that we will end up not getting attention from that person anymore. And/or the benefits are going to make things weird. But, as my friend pointed out the other day—if there is already a strong sexual tension not acting on it is just as weird as acting on it. I mean, if you feel some sort of physical attraction and you both want to jump each other it seems perfectly reasonable to do so. What’s the big deal with sex again? If you’re not into organized religion than you should probably be into sex. And having sex with friends is fun!
Right? You’re not friends with someone unless you’re attracted to them on some level—this does not mean it’s sexual—but there is still an attraction.
What makes a good friend?
What makes benefits?
What makes it more than friends with benefits?
The establishment of boundaries.
Communication.
Explaining what you want to who you want it from.
Most people have problems with this. Particularly the communication part. Like, if they say what they want out loud there is a bigger chance they won’t get it. The logic here doesn’t really make sense. But, I guess it could stem from 1. Not really know what one wants, or 2. Being afraid that the other person isn’t going to want the same thing.
Again, if this person is your friend you should be able to bring it up and work something out, or it’s not a very good friend to begin with.
Am I making any sense here? Am I getting anywhere?
I don’t know.
I’m tired of rambling on about it, so instead I’m going to write a list of everything I look for in a potential FwB.
Top 10 Traits for Friends-with-Benefits Status:
1) Compatible sense of humor—“funny” doesn’t really cut it because there are just too many styles of “funny” out there. So, quick witted, sarcastic, challenging.
2) Hot. If there are going to be any benefits the person has to be attractive to me. So, this one is pretty standard.
3) At least intelligent about some things. To be perfectly honest, this all depends on the level of hotness I’m dealing with. Deal with it. Some people, though less physically attractive, have had the ability to arouse my mentality—which, as they say, the brain is the sexiest organ—so either super smart about things I am interested in—or hot and smart about things that I’m slightly interested in.
4) Financial stability. I am not your mother. I am not your chauffer. No, I will not make you sandwich. No, I will not clean your room. This person should be capable of handling his or her own shit.
5) Communication.
6.) Trust.
7) Open-mindedness.
8) Thoughtfulness.
9) An exertion of energy directed into making the relationship fun, meaningful enough, entertaining.
10) If this is more than friends...than the benefits have to be worthwhile of the time and energy put into it. There has to exist that tension. And if that ever fades, going back to just friends should be the plan.
Alright, well, I’m sure I’m missing a few important qualities, but I think that covers it pretty well. I understand that I have perhaps made it even more complicated than it already was, but maybe I’ll do another round and flesh out these ideas EVEN more.
Other thoughts/opinions are welcome.
Moving. One of life’s greatest joys. There really is nothing better than putting all of one’s stuff into boxes and bags, throwing them in an expensive rental truck, driving the ridiculously large rental truck through a big city and then carrying all the stuff (why is there so much stuff?) into a new place. It just makes me want to move every other weekend it’s so much fun.
But besides the paragraph of dripping sarcasm, perhaps I could dig a little deeper and find something a bit more meaningful.
Here goes.
Moving. A time of transition. The act itself, the carrying heavy objects over and over again is a sign of one’s commitment to change. A must needed physical challenge that gives the mind time to adjust to the idea that, yes, this is really happening. See, the bed is going into a new bedroom. The desk is going into a new office. The tv stand is going into a new living room (slowly and surely but it’s going). Watch as it all unfolds.
This time around I was luckily enough to have help from an (relatively) old loyal friend as well as a very new super awesome friend. Moving is where friendship is tested. If you can survive a move, you can pretty much survive anything. And the experience is always there to loom over the person when other favors are asked, such as, “remember that time I helped you move and like, you made me carry that massive bookshelf and I almost DIED?!? Now, please do ____ for me, you owe me.” And it’s true. Moving: a time to rack up the friendship favor points.
I don’t know. I’ve never had a problem helping other people move. I mean it doesn’t bother me like it does most people. It’s annoying when I have to move myself... but it’s because I have to organize it, pack it/unpack it, hope no one breaks any of it. When it’s someone else’s move, it’s usually pretty simple and only hard in the manual labor sort of way—which I actually like. It makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I am not offering my services to any of you dear readers; I’m just stating how I’ve felt about it in the past.
Anyway. I’m almost all unpacked! I look forward to writing many many lists, here’s a list of the lists I’m going to write.
(I love lists of lists)
1. things we need to buy for apartment
2. things wrong with apartment right now
3. what I need to do online when I go to coffee shop
4. groceries
5. things I want to do in Denver
6. year goals while living in Denver
7. okcupid dates (who’s in, who’s out)
8) things people can buy for me if they want to buy me presents (which everyone should)
