10 Random Thoughts: Food, Dates, Disorders.

1) I realize now why women often date older men. They have jobs. They have cars. They have their own place where they actually clean-up after themselves. They can have conversations that revolve around more than whether or not The Wire was the greatest show ever made.

2) The biggest problem with OK Cupid is that I want to go check out this guy I had drinks with last night, but he'd totally know I was checking him out unless I browsed anonymously, but then I wouldn't be able to see who was checking me out *sigh*

3) And I'm going on a second date. First second date. Work it.

4) I'd like to openly admit something. I'm afraid that I am developing a slight eating disorder. I know it has to do with control. I love food and I can control that love. Lately I've enjoyed feeling hallow. That hallow feeling of hungry. No one worry. This is just a phase. I know I'll get my appetite back and then I'll have to start working out again.

5) I will do almost anything to get out of writing something until the very last day that it needs to be written. I mean, I will even do the dishes. And that's saying a lot. Uggh the writing life.

6) Dots are the best candy ever made. And they're vegan so life is good.

7) Being vegan has been hard recently. Not hard like I haven't been able to do it, but everyone I've been hanging out with has been giving me shit about it. Fuck off, I don't eat dead animals/ animal products. And I don't sit around bitching about you doing it. So leave me in peace.

8) Fucking Skins. Every season. Is so gggreeeaattt!!! So many drugs. So much sex. Why couldn't I have gone to high school in the U.K.? Probably for the best, I would have ended up pregnant or in jail or dead. And I don't like the idea of any of those things.

9) There must be a lot of drunk drivers on any given night in the city. Any city. Just imagine if two people are out on a date. And two more people are out on a date. And a group of people are at a show. And three alcoholics have been in the bar all day. And the soccer moms' just had a girls night out. I'm just surprised everyone usually makes it out okay. I hope I don't jinx anyone. TAKE THE BUS.

10) Something magical is going to happen this weekend. Something magical. I can feel it.

10 Random Thoughts: Presents, Freedom, and Sexy Sex Oh My!

1) Is anyone creeped out by the Folgers commercial where the sister says to the brother, “you’re my present this year!” And then she looks at him, like he’s her “present.” Gross. I get freaked out every time it’s on. Plus the “African” wrapping paper that’s supposed to be an indication that “he was doing something heroic in some 3^rd world country somewhere where they don’t have good coffee,” –that also weirds me out.

2) How can I become a television script writer? I mean the stuff on their today is so bad, I could definitely write something just as bad if not worse, which is obviously the direction they’re going. I should probably just pretend to be an upper class white dude and then I’d totally be able to write sitcoms and dramedies. Or at least commercial jingles.

3) I wonder who in Long Island invented this “tea”? They should win some inventor’s prize.

4) Usually with online profiles, facebook, linked-in, ok cupid, the pic of yourself is supposed to, I don’t know, be one where you feel you look attractive. Do guys really think they look good in their online pic choices? Some of them look freaking higher than a kite, unshaved, blurry, dirty ass, sweaty, baseball-cap-wearing, lame wieners. (Never gonna get it, just sayin’).

(See how poor the picture quality is? And he's standing in a bathroom without even a real expression on his face. Try again. TRY AGAIN!!!)

5) I was talking to my friend the other day about how the act of shopping is itself the holiday experience. Or so it seems. And maybe that’s why I don’t feel very connected to this holiday. I don’t care to shop at places were things are new. I prefer to shop in dumpsters where things are free. And give the gift of dumpster finds to my friends and family year round instead of feeling the need to put something together at a particular time. It just doesn’t seem as thoughtful or sincere when it’s supposed to happen.

6) Does wrapping presents seem odd to anyone else? I mean, paying money for paper that’s just going to get ripped off and thrown away in less than a minute. I usually wrap with newspapers, but that’s not much better anymore since I never actual read real-life newspapers (yes I aware I write for one) but I read everything online. I guess, gifts need to become “virtual” gifts these days to save paper (and time and money).

7) I’ve noticed that in Kansas people eat a lot of white stuff. White flour, white ranch dressing, white mayonnaise, white potatoes, white cheese, white sugar. I think there’s a theme. Also—some times it’s disguised: chocolate cake, pepsi, French fries etc. but deep down we all know the root is white. No wonder people have weight issues. Not to mention the fact that produce around here is ridiculously expensive.

8) I’d really like to have the courage of a dog. Particularly these little lap dogs. I mean, they really have no consideration for gravity. They’ll just leap off of chairs and couches. They’ll fall back off of chairs and couches, without flinching, they’ll hop right back up, like it wasn’t no big thing. Like falling off furniture is just part of life. Plus the whole, “Oh, you just said no? Well, I’m going to do it any way,” attitude.

I like that.

9) I feel kind of guilty for not getting very thoughtful gifts for anyone this year. Usually I’m on top of that shit and even though I don’t spend a lot of money I at least exert effort. Though I have plenty of excuses I’d prefer to just fess up to the fact that I failed this year and acknowledge that I will try harder next year--(as long as I don’t break up boyfriend and have to move three times in a year. Oh wait. I won’t have a boyfriend, so no worries there.)

10) Many people seem to think I need to have a new boyfriend. I just want you all to know that I don't NEED or WANT that shit right now. Dudes are fun to hang out with, drink with, create weird creations with, but it hasn't even been four months yet. Give me a freaking break. Can't I just be alone? YYYEEESSS!!! And I will. As Salt n Peppa so poetically say, "If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight, it's none of urrrr business..."

Meaning--I'll do what I want.

Word.

And what I want is FFFREEEDDDOOMMMM.

(This is sexy freedom.... I grew out my hair just to take this picture).

10 Random Thoughts: Birth Controlled Nuns, Moving from Sexyville, And MORE!!!

1) I wonder if I make better food when I am drunk or if it just tastes better because I am drunk. Not drunk right now. Cooking though and curious if it's going to taste as good as it did last night. Unlikely.

2) For my job I get a lot of google alerts about fertility. Lately what's been trending is whether or not nuns should take birth control pills since they're child-less and at great risk for developing ovarian cancers etc. I'd just like to point out--they're nuns--they have GOD on their side. They don't need birth control, they just need prayer.

3) Speaking of birth control; I just saved one of my (many) vibrators from imminent battery-acid death! Long Live Snorkledorkle!?! Snicklewinkle?!? Whatever. Do people really name sex toys? Or do they just do that in the movies? Also, fun fact, in most Asian countries it is considered a sin to have sex with an inanimate object, which is why almost all current vibrators have faces on them. And why it's probably a good idea to give them a name. Snickadickle it is!

4) While on the subject of naming; I’ve decided to call my bass Chuck Bass, all of you non-gossipgirl lovers wouldn’t understand. But it's bass (as in guitar) and Bass (as in the fish). And I'll get to say, "I'm playing Chuck Bass hard." Which makes me giggle inside like a little school girl.

5) I should be getting my car back today, which is perfect timing because I'm moving to Denver TONIGHT!!! Crazy it's already happening. I'm pretty excited for it though, there seems to be a welcoming scene of beautiful creative people. Plus like so much more music happening, which I think is going to be therapy for my ears and my soul.

6) Will I miss Boulder? Nah, it's only like 40 minutes away. And everything I really liked about Boulder, The Catacombs, being close to the mountains, Pearl Street, ended when I moved to the south side anyway. Certain people I will miss, but again. We're not that far away.

7) A friend of mine and I were talking about the concept of "Friends with Benefits" the other day. She was saying that no guy ever really believes a girl wants that. And after I thought about it, I realized it all comes down to their over-inflated egos. They couldn't possibly imagine that a girl wouldn't want to be with them forever.

Listen guys, you're not as amazing as you think you are; sure I'm sure some of your ARE amazing to certain women. But to women actually actively seeking FwB status these women may think you're fun to be around, they may even think you're fun to have sex with, but that doesn't mean they want to ride away with you on a white horse into the sunset. (I plan to go into this more soon, it's a big one).

8) My hair is getting long...which is funny because it's still so short. I can't decide if I want to grow it out to more of a bob-like thing or re-chop it into a nice little pixie. I love having a pixie, it's the best haircut ever (in regards to maintenance, time, energy, effort). So. I may have just answered my own question. Unless there is strong resistance from my readers--like you can really convince me otherwise--I'm open to negotiations here.

9) Why are my feet ALWAYS so cold? I think it's because they're so big, blood just gives up when it gets there and is like, nope, not going to be able to circulate these things.

10) On a quick serious note--I just want to throw a shout out to all my friends who have been there with me through this transition (and to the new ones who have made me realize it's a good one to be going through)--appreciate the love.

10 Random Thoughts: Fortunes, Occupy, and the Dating Life.

1) The other day I got a fortune cookie (that I could actually eat), it read, "No one is standing in your way anymore, time to moving forward." Besides the hilarious grammar issues, I hadn't before realized that indeed someone was standing in my way. I've never in my life had a fortune cookie that was literally significant. I'm afraid I may be reading into things too much now. Or maybe I want to believe in something magical.

2) What exactly could moving forward look like? It could look like anything. I think that's why I haven't moved very far. When there are too many choices it becomes debilitating. Maybe that's a subconscious reason why I'm vegan, less options makes life easier more often.

3) I bought a livingsocial coupon, $50 for a truck, 3 months storage unit space AND Avalanche tickets--not sure why they were giving away Avalanche tickets, but at least now I have a back-up if I want to escape Boulder and become a professional couch surfer. After I watch a professional hockey game, of course.

4) We all want to live in a better world, but few people are actually willing to make the sacrifices--time, energy, effort, to make this happen. So much apathy. So much, "oh, I totally am behind what the Occupy people are doing," though they're never like literally behind them. Standing there.

5) I’ll tell you why I’m an (Occupy) hypocrite. I’ve been to a few of the events and I find them tiring. It’s still full of white guys blabbing their mouths off and no one stopping them as they keep saying stupid shit. Working within the same paradigm will only create the same problems. We need a complete shift and this happens with consciousness, a change in thinking that takes over an entire population. This mean letting new voices speak up, voices that don’t get a platform very often, if ever. Occupy gives us the opportunity to have dialogue with people on these issues of intersecting oppressions (class, race, gender, etc) again and again, and it’s within this dialogue that shifts will happen. The symbolism of an occupation is helpful, but it comes down to being able to influence change through conversation, enthusiasm, and literal solutions. (This is obviously coming from my standpoint in Boulder, CO, I’m sure the atmosphere is different in different parts of the country)

6) I am not an expert on social change... just a Master. Bah. That’s so pretentious. I welcome full arguments on this topic.

7) Ok Cupid is driving me nuts. Luckily my message level has decreased. But I haven’t replied to any one, good or bad, for like ever. The “hi how you doin” messages are getting really old. And all the guys are starting to look the same. The appeal is over. Though I never had plans to fall in love I had thought I could meet some cool people to hang out with. I guess I’ll leave that to real life.

8) Yesterday I had several people ask me if I had gotten a haircut, or complimented my “new” hair cut. What’s weird about this? I haven’t cut my hair in months. In fact, it’s grown out, A LOT, which must be what it was. Also, I hadn’t combed it. I just ran my fingers through it so it sort of just stood on top of my head. It’s like the best hair ever... I don’t do anything with it. Should have pixie-ed it years ago. (yay to lazyvainness)

9) I think I need to go to coffee shops more often. I actually get things done. Must be the collective work mode we’re all in. When I drink coffee at home I just go ADD about everything and hop from one project, thought, tv show, song, to another. Then my day is gone. It’s annoying. I guess it’s worth paying the extra money if that means I accomplish and finish projects.

10) Today I will do something creative, visual art, music, something. Hold me to it. If I don’t I’ll cover my body in dead leaves and let the worms eat me (maybe I’ll film it and that will be my art project).

10 Quickies (Not the Kind You Think).

1) I have been working all day long. This is an accomplishment.

2) I also washed my sheets.

3) And brought back my planner.

4.) I am on top of shit.

5.) I have yet to actually get dressed in clothing that people don't just sleep in. Like I could put on a bra maybe, or some jeans.

6.) But, I got work done. And I'm not stopping yet.

7.) Soon, I'll have finished a blog post, so I can cross that off my list.

8.) Roller Derby tonight. First time. I'll blog about it tomorrow, so you all know what happened. I can tell you ahead of time: I fall down.

9.) I met a cute guy. Or two.

10.) You want more don't you? Well, I'll fill you in later. When I know more. The ridiculous messages have slowed down. I think it helped that I removed certain "wants" from my profile. And I am no longer "fresh" or "new," me being on there a week now.

10 Random Thoughts: Garlic Breath, Bruises and Breakups.

1) I have the grossest taste in my mouth I think ever. I've been dropping garlic down my throat like the cloves are potato chips trying to keep myself from getting this cold that's brewing. Garlic + garlic toast + coffee is nasty on the tongue. I do not recommend it.

2) I like literally cannot envision my future. I used to be able to, but now it's completely blank. I can barely even remember what I'm supposed to do today, I know I have to write an article. And some grants. And walk dogs. But other than that my life is plan-less. In a way, it's nice, but it's also the opposite of who I typically am. Guess, I'm not that girl anymore.

3) I've been watching a fuck-load of really bad television. Revenge, Pan-Am, X-Factor, Gossip Girl, Hart of Dixie, E News, CNN. What have I learned...well, if you pretend to be someone you're not you're in for some drama. But if you like drama, pretend to be someone you're not.

4) I've been thinking about bleaching my hair, Robyn style. But it seems like a lot of work. I mean, everything seems like a lot of work.

5) My foot is asleep. That happened really fast. Like, I put it up under my butt on the chair and within a minute it was tingling. Crazy bad circulation.

6) People keep talking about how it was just the Jewish New Year, and it's Fall, and how it's the perfect time for change. And I'm wondering if all of this break-up stuff happened because it's just the "perfect time for change," or because it was just time. And people are trying to be nice.

7) I want people to come and make me food (or bring me food) because I would eat, I swear Iwould eat, it's just that the making of it and then the sitting down and eating of it seems so dramatic, like it would take forever and I'd have to put so much effort into it. I think that's why I've been on such a liquid-y diet, all you have to do it pour it in glass (and sometimes I don't even have to do that).

8) I have probably a hundred bruises on my body. Every time I move stuff in large quantities like that I bruise all over, particularly on my legs where the boxes hit into my thighs. Plus I bump into a lot more stuff when I can't see over the load in my arms.

9) I want to find something new to do, like rock climbing or roller derby or long distance running or music making or kick boxing or gardening or working at some cute cafe/bar or stripping or creating a new vegan product for the market or riding unicorns, but I can't decide which.

10) Some of this may have sounded negative but I am telling you all I am moving forward in a positive light. Positive. I am positive. Not for any diseases but just, you know, excited for my blank-less future to be filled in, at whatever pace it wants to be.

10 Random Thoughts: Garbage. Yes. Mostly on Garbage.

10 Random Thoughts!

1) Do Garbage Collectors start out incredibly early in the morning because they are bitter and pissed off that they collect garbage for a living? And do they have the loudest engines and beeping beepers they can possibly possess just for added acknowledgment to the rest of the us that they are out there? We get it. You collect garbage. We're a trashy society. Now please, let me sleep in a bit longer.

2) Why is it that I can never find recipes I already cooked from? And then when I go looking for said recipe again it has magically disappeared off the face of the internet. I didn't think anything really disappeared off the face of the internet. But I guess recipes do.

3) Ryan puts hairspray in his hair. Hairspray smells funky. It ruins my coffee drinking.

4) I am actually not in a bad mood as the last few random thoughts may lead you to believe.

5) I can't watch Ryan eat. Still. After five years. I am amazed at the amount of crap he can put in his mouth at once (and by crap I mean food).

6) As I was saying, I am not in a bad mood. I don't really even care about the garbage trucks that much because my hangover woke me up way before they did. They're just loud. Which I find completely unnecessary. I'm not really that hungover either. So that's exciting news.

7) I think women need a new style of underwear. Has anyone seen that c-string? It's like a wired g-string. That's right, a g-string made out, instead of string, wire. Who the fuck thought that would be a good idea? Seriously. A man had to be behind that design. I think someone should come out with women boxers. Like the opposite of spanx. Just let everything hang where it wants to hang.

8) Ryan is paranoid that I am writing about him.

9) Hahaha.

10) Could somebody find me something delicious to do with kale that doesn't involve making them into chips?

10 Random Thoughts and 1 Very Random Video (Charlie the Unicorn)

1) Why are my glasses constantly dirty. Even right after I clean them they still don't seem to be that clear.

2) It's amazing how much hair falls out of my scalp every day. I am surprised I still have hairs left in my head. I've come up with an art project for all this hair, but I'm not going to say it because you might be a thief.

3) I wish someone would take all of my inventions and actually create them. I'd split the profit with them 50/50...maybe even 40/60 if it was a really profitable idea. (I have a fantastic billion dollar idea but I need a computer programmer--if you know of one)

4) Almost every night right when I'm trying to go to sleep and feel guilty for all the things I didn't accomplish that day--usually it has to do with writing and not writing enough.

5) They say that a person drastically changes every 7 years (I don't know who says it I just know someone does) if that is the case I have drastically turned into a terrible public speaker. I need to get my shit together when talking to strangers. I think it has to do with just hanging out in my room all day solo; so when I actually meet people who want to interact with me I get a little overeager and a lot of anxious. I over-analyze the entire conversation while we're having the conversation or while I am speaking in front of people. It's not only exhausting it's embarrassing.

6) I was seriously going to start seriously running; but now all it does is rain. So that plan has been eliminated and now I just sit around getting fat.

7) People talk about being fat-positive; and though I believe it's fine for other people to be fat if that's what they want, personally I feel better un-fat. Fit. I feel better when I fit together tighter. Stronger. Leaner. But that's just what makes me happy others can do/eat/be what they want.

8) Every day I say I'm going to try to be more positive. And it works too. Until I'm around other people, then I turn into a monster. Rarwarhar. Okay, maybe not a monster, but I just get confused by their behavior, which pisses me off, which makes me think negative thoughts. I'm going to stop letting other people bother me though. They can't help it. They don't even know. So why should it matter so much to me?

9) Is there anyone out there in this whole big wide world who wants to fix my hair? I mean last time I complained about it, but this time, this time it desperately needs work. I would almost allow anything to happen. Especially if it included transforming the color. Or maybe just shaving it off.

10) My new favorite writing trick is "writing the worst sentence of all time." It's sort of like reverse psychology. If I can get myself to at least write the worst sentence I at least now have a sentence to fix instead of nothing. And something is almost always better than nothing. At least when it comes to writing.

And now a very random video for your entertainment: