Your Poor Poor Car and it's Sad Sad Stickers.

I've decided that I hate bumper stickers. All--bumper stickers. I find them obnoxious, distracting, and rather pointless.

In fact, I think bumper stickers are worse than tattoos. That's right. Why? Because people are often careless with what they're sticking on their cars, but they usually think it over a bit more when it comes to their body4life.

I mean, seriously Boulder--I don't need you to tell me to "co-exist," I really just need you to use your freakin blinkers.

I don't need to know your kid is smart or your dog is your god or that you love drinking Avery or Boulder Beer or that you might be behind the wheel angry mad crazy sad.

Want to individualize your car with bumper stickers? May I ask why? Are you so insistent on people knowing your identity without them ever meeting you personally that you need to plaster it all over your car?

I've seen some really dedicated bumper-sticker-cars out there--and that I can almost accept more than those vehicles, those sad sad vehicles that have just one. One measly bumper sticker that seems to really have nothing to do with anything. Like some business went out and got the car while the driver wasn't looking. Those are the ones I don't get at all.

I'm probably just really bitter right now about all the bad drivers moving around in the same city I'm trying to get around in, perhaps I'll get over my bumper sticker hatred soon... like when people here learn how to drive. So, I guess what I'm saying is, don't count on it.

Yeah...don't you love it when someone else's car tells you what to do! Wohoo.

Faking It: Middle Schoolers Interpretation of Adulthood.

We live pretty close to a middle school and yesterday we witnessed quite the performance art scenes.

First a large group of middle school boys kept fake fighting each other of the street. They threw gang signs around and circled in on one boy and "pretend" kicked him. Over and over. Of course they were doing this right on the side of one of the biggest intersections in town, eventually, they got what they wished for. Someone called it in and a police car showed up. They all played innocent and nothing happened, their bus showed up and they all got on. It was quite the entertainment.

About thirty minutes later a group of middle school girls sat waiting for the bus--all in sports uniforms. We started hearing loud moaning, when I looked out the window one of the girls was "fake" stripping on the bus stop pole.

So the boys want to fight and the girls want to fuck.

Or, they are just a reflection of our societies expectations. Neither of the groups realized it I'm sure, but they were obviously products of our environment, directly influenced by the mainstream culture. And the fact that they were separated by gender is telling of how we treat people going through puberty.

I don't know, I found the whole thing fascinating. (Ryan taped a bit of the "fighting" but I don't have it uploaded yet). Anyway, I'm looking forward to some more entertainment today, though I'm sure the boys will be better behaved since "the man" came and had a word with them.

Don't Have Any Fun on my Watch.

I have to admit I'm a bit sad today.

Last night I put on the PrideFest After Party and it would have been really nice to see more familiar faces.

Of course I met a lot of new awesome folks--but I could have really used the support. I guess I'm just having a hard time understanding why it's so difficult for people to show up to stuff.

I think I might have like a masochistic personality or something. I put on events all the time and every time people act really excited about it prior and then...nothing.... and the worst part for me is that I KEEP DOING IT. I don't get it.

It's a lot of stress, a lot of energy, a lot of time. And then I get disappointed.

Again, I am really grateful for everyone who did come out and especially grateful for all the help I got--particularly from Ryan who ran Sound all night, amongst other things.

I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I should bother with it anymore. Not just the organizing of my own events but the attending of other events as well. It's like a real immature mental reaction--they don't come to mine, I don't go to theres'. It's lame.

Bitter. Would be a good word. But I don't want to be bitter. I just want everyone I know to come out and have a fun time.

What's wrong with me?

I woke up with three new bruises, one new bleeding cut, covered in glitter, hungry, with a headache and other people don't want that... why?

I May Be Your Desire But I am Not Your Object.

Yesterday I was out on Pearl Street.

Yes. I was wearing a lower-cut shirt.

Yes. I was even wearing a skirt.

And okay, I was bending over to tape one of my After Party posters on a pole.

But I don't think it's okay for some random old man to take my picture. Which he did.

Then he proceeded to go around to the other side of the pole to take a picture from another angle, cuz I cause the cleavage shot wasn't enough for him. Of course, I stood up and hide behind the pole so he couldn't do it.

But I should not have had to do that at all!

I don't think I'd even be comfortable with a close friend taking that picture. Though if it was a close friend, they wouldn't. Because they wouldn't need to and they'd know it would make me uncomfortable. (I would hope anyway.)

Plus. Isn't it just weird?

Why did that guy think he could do that? I mean, it's obvious if he had asked I would have said no. But if he knew the answer would be no, then, well, maybe he should have known not to do it at all.

A-hole.

I am not some masturbatory object to add to your fetish image collection of young women putting up posters (or whatever you're into.)

Ugh.

Music Monday: Who You Dancin With?

OMGodess. I think I may be in love with this song. But it could be because I am often dancing on my own (except for the other night when I was dancing with many people). But anyway. Even though it's pop it still feels raw, like she really means it. Which, is kind of sad, but I think we've all been there, right? Right?

Why Won't These Songs Go Away, Naturally?

There is a mashup of 4 relatively bad songs stuck in my head. Mmmbop (Hanson), My Lovin (En Vogue), Tale as Old as Time (Beauty and the Beast soundtrack) and some country love song that I don't know the name or artist to. They keep like smashing into each other in my brain--which could be a sign that it is near explosion.

I believe scientists should invent a remedy to cure song-stuck. I'm surprised pharmaceutical companies are not all over it.

If this movie isn't about gender roles I want to know what is, gross. I don't even understand how this song--out of all the songs in the world--ended up in my brain. The other ones make sense, as there is a karaoke connection, but this one? WTF.

9 Random Thoughts: Hoops, 90's Women's Power, and more.

Even more random thoughts (because I've been randomly thinking lately)

1) Hula-hooping is hard. It's also hard to spell. Personally I would have given it two oo's but I guess the u will do. I didn't realize until I was doing it and it was falling to the ground over and over that you're actually supposed to move front to back, not swirl your hips like a hooker on a bad date. But I'm pretty sure the hula-hooping helped me not be so hungover today. Funny how that works.

2) A friend is sleeping on our couch. I can hear him snore and I'm like 4 rooms away. I would hate to be his g/f, put a sock in it or something.

3) I hit my knuckle on the bottom of a pool. It hurts really bad. I don't get why this tiny cut hurts so bad. It probably has weird bacteria floating around in from the hot tube I was sitting in later that night.

4) I'm pretty sure Ryan just came into this room to fart. Cuz now he's not in the room anymore and it smells like a skunky dirty diaper. That was incredibly rude. And now everyone else knows about it, what revenge, yes.

5) En Vogue. What happened to them? Actually what happened to all the 90's women-power bands? It's like all these amazingly strong songs about equality and awesomeness came out, then it didn't change the world like they thought and now we just have Lady Gaga babbling about being a freak. Woopty doo. (Or it was just a marketing campaign during the GIRL Power era idk I was like 8.)

6) It's still hot out. Is it hot where you are? I mean, like I could use a fan in here.

7) You have the right to loose control. According to En Vogue. You also ain't ever gonna get it. Wow. This is a lame thought.

8) I'd like to give Boulder citizens a lesson in driving/parking. Like a refresher course. If I were a cop I'd pull over the a-holes that never use their blinkers and the people who park in parking lots half-assed. But. That's just me. I enjoy traffic rules--because they keep me from WRECKING MY CAR. But I guess other people don't really care about that.

9) My brain hurts from trying to think of more random thoughts. Guess I didn't have as many as I thought.

10 Random Thoughts: Garbage. Yes. Mostly on Garbage.

10 Random Thoughts!

1) Do Garbage Collectors start out incredibly early in the morning because they are bitter and pissed off that they collect garbage for a living? And do they have the loudest engines and beeping beepers they can possibly possess just for added acknowledgment to the rest of the us that they are out there? We get it. You collect garbage. We're a trashy society. Now please, let me sleep in a bit longer.

2) Why is it that I can never find recipes I already cooked from? And then when I go looking for said recipe again it has magically disappeared off the face of the internet. I didn't think anything really disappeared off the face of the internet. But I guess recipes do.

3) Ryan puts hairspray in his hair. Hairspray smells funky. It ruins my coffee drinking.

4) I am actually not in a bad mood as the last few random thoughts may lead you to believe.

5) I can't watch Ryan eat. Still. After five years. I am amazed at the amount of crap he can put in his mouth at once (and by crap I mean food).

6) As I was saying, I am not in a bad mood. I don't really even care about the garbage trucks that much because my hangover woke me up way before they did. They're just loud. Which I find completely unnecessary. I'm not really that hungover either. So that's exciting news.

7) I think women need a new style of underwear. Has anyone seen that c-string? It's like a wired g-string. That's right, a g-string made out, instead of string, wire. Who the fuck thought that would be a good idea? Seriously. A man had to be behind that design. I think someone should come out with women boxers. Like the opposite of spanx. Just let everything hang where it wants to hang.

8) Ryan is paranoid that I am writing about him.

9) Hahaha.

10) Could somebody find me something delicious to do with kale that doesn't involve making them into chips?

Music Monday: Stroking it Hard.

Why is their music so upbeat and yet their lyrics are so depressing? I don't get it. But maybe they enjoy being contradictory.

Anyhoo. Here's some music for this sunny sunshine-y Monday.

6 Thoughts on the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Series.

Okay. So I didn't reach my goal of reading all three Girl With the/Girl Who series in three weeks. I was off by two days. And I still haven't watched the final movie but here are some of my thoughts anyway.

1) Is it weird to anyone else that the author, Stieg Larsson, just happened to die after turning in his manuscripts? Seems like there might be a conspiracy theory there.

2) Speaking of the author, after finishing all three, I felt I had just completed reading some dude's fantasy--like all of these characters were manifestations of who he wanted to be but wasn't--particularly Blomkvist.

3) The guy who plays Blomkvist in the movies is really unattractive. I find it in no way believable that he's a playa'.

4) The books make me want to take up boxing.

5) It's hard not to love Salander but who she loves/fucks is a bit weird. Like, I understand being attracted to people regardless of gender--but usually it's not such a all-encompassing list. For example, thinking both Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal are hot--that makes sense, but fucking a 16 year old boy, than a 23 (whatever) year old woman, then by the end fucking all those old men. It seems strange that she doesn't have a type at all and just likes to screw whoever (hence why I felt it turned into an authorial fantasy).

6) They weren't bad reads, I'll give them that. They resonate which I find shocking. Usually books that are super duper popular are duds to me, but these were fun. Maybe because the main character was a kick-ass woman and there were underlying messages of polamory and ending violence against women.

I'm Not Complaining, But. . .

I finally got where I wanted. Both of my degrees are being put to use in the non-profit I'm working for and the paper I'm writing at. I have jobs.

This is what I've been trying to get to all my life-- a good job working for something I believe in and want to make better. Helping women who have cancer become mothers isn't a bad job. It is at least a meaningful job.

And yet I feel scared.

Scared that now I am where I have been trying to get with no immediate new goals in mind and that I might get stuck in a routine where I become boring and bored.

Especially with Ryan. Becoming. Emerging. He'll soon be jet-setting around the world making massive installation pieces in fancy gallery spaces and I'll be like, send me a postcard if you have a minute and he won't. Have a minute that is.

I mean, I also feel happy that I have succeeded in my goals. And I should probably just take some time to relax and enjoy being where I am right now before deciding what my next big-time goal will be. I just don't want to settle. If I don't have a new big-goal now will I have the time, energy, desire to have one later? I've never not had one. And that's what worries me most.

Smooth Moves: Another Bar Experience.

I was 'Round Midnight after midnight watching mating rituals from my usual perch above the dance floor. Somehow I became a part of the story without really trying or really wanting it to happen. I was standing next to this Indian dude wearing a Slipknot shirt. He leaned over.

To me: "Why aren't you dancing?"

"Why aren't you dancing?"

"Do you want to dance?"

"There are so many women out there already for you to choose from."

"I don't want to dance with just some random girl."

"I'm a random girl; we've never met before, I'm just as much a stranger as anyone else here."

"But the only way to make someone not random is to try."

"True. But I think I'll stay a stranger."

Sad face.

Man, that was awkward. I should have told him to buy me a drink and I'd think about it. Dang! Pretty sure he didn't try to dance with anyone else that night. Now I feel bad.

Just so men are aware, rejecting you isn't easy for us either.

Rabbit Talk.

(they blend in well don't they?)

We used to have two pet backyard rabbits, Nibbles and Bert. Nibbles always was nibbling, obviously and Bert had a uni-brow like you know, Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street. Well, now unibrow Bert is gone, but there are still TWO bunnies and all they do is nibble! I can't tell the difference. I feel lousy. I feel like the real Nibbles must be pissed at me for calling the other rabbit by its name. I don't know what to do.

I'm going to have to sit out and watch them more closely until I can tell the difference again.

Silly rabbits. Messin with my brain.

Photography Series: Leftovers

It all started with this sign. Then I went for a walk around the block and found so much more.


"Now what do I do with this baby?"

"You can Only Park Here if You live Here"

"OMG!!! I didn't realize we had this much stuff!?!"

"And then there was NoLight"

"Insomnia"

"The American Way"

"Leftovers"


"Cleaned Out"


"Going Away For Awhile"

How Dance is Changing Lives: Leaning Crescent Pose Into a Shimmy

I can't decide if I should be happy or sad.

A part of me is sad because I am not the only one.

A part of me is happy because, in a way, I have found a community of people who are a lot like me.

Yoga Dancers.

That's right. I thought I was the only one who mixed yoga with dance moves, but I discovered differently at Titwrench over the weekend.

Almost everyone was doing it!

It seriously may be the best thing for one's body--you get the high calorie burn with strength and flexibility mixed in.

Come on Tony Horton where's your Extreme 90 minute Yoga/Dance DVD?

Maybe I should make a video. . .

I could be like the next Jane Fonda (a personal idol).

And/or rich.

Which would be amazing.

Hmmm....

The only problem is there isn't like a routine or anything, you just go with the flow, interpreting moves based on the beat. Still. There could be a market for it. (Maybe there already is and I'm just out of the loop?)

I Need a New Crush.

I don't know how anyone else feels about crushes, but I love them. I think I enjoy having crushes more than having actual relationships. Why? Because crushes can be everything you imagine them being and more! Real relationship have harsh realities, such as incompatibility, terrible discussions regarding Foucault or Steven King or why bell hooks doesn't capitalize her name--or the person could have a bad smell or be like sexually anorexia or something. But crushes, crushes are always fun.

And I haven't had a good crush in awhile.

Jake Gyllenhaal you are not doing it for me any more.

(okay...maybe doing it for me a little still.)

Jakey-poo, I am sorry. You are attractive and those dimples are freaking ridiculous, and those puppy dog eyes... but come on! It's been like almost ten years now. TEN YEARS!!!!

It's time for a change.

I considered James Franco for awhile--mainly because of that shit-eating-grin of his (that's what they call it in Kansas) but then I read this article on how he's like an ego-maniac and I was like, duh. Over it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not just here looking for a new celebrity crush; I like to have real-life-people crushes too. (I'd name past ones but they might read this and feel weird around me so I'll just keep those to myself).

But...

If you're in my real-life, wink at me or something and I'll figure out if I want to crush on you or not.

This also works for friend-crushes. I remember the excitement and thrill of meeting and finally hanging out with Lizz (name droppin, what). I didn't like fantasize about her or anything, but I had extra energy in my life because I had met someone who was soooo cool (and still is).

I'd like that. Again.

Though really a celebrity or real-life (non-friend) crush crush would be super amazing.

Who's hot right now?

Who should I crush on?

Thoughts, suggestions, and/or resumes would be appreciated.