I finally got where I wanted. Both of my degrees are being put to use in the non-profit I'm working for and the paper I'm writing at. I have jobs.
This is what I've been trying to get to all my life-- a good job working for something I believe in and want to make better. Helping women who have cancer become mothers isn't a bad job. It is at least a meaningful job.
And yet I feel scared.
Scared that now I am where I have been trying to get with no immediate new goals in mind and that I might get stuck in a routine where I become boring and bored.
Especially with Ryan. Becoming. Emerging. He'll soon be jet-setting around the world making massive installation pieces in fancy gallery spaces and I'll be like, send me a postcard if you have a minute and he won't. Have a minute that is.
I mean, I also feel happy that I have succeeded in my goals. And I should probably just take some time to relax and enjoy being where I am right now before deciding what my next big-time goal will be. I just don't want to settle. If I don't have a new big-goal now will I have the time, energy, desire to have one later? I've never not had one. And that's what worries me most.
