Another conspiracy (Oscar) theory

Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy? Well, here is mine for the Oscars…perhaps it’s less conspiracy and more obviousness, but I believe the Academy final realized who their audience actually is… why?

1) The elaborate poise pad Whoopie Goldberg commercial, wtf was that?

2) The “best actress” switched places with “best actor”

(and the best actress was fucking Sandra Bullock.)

3) A woman finally won best director.

Okay. So it’s obvious that it’s a very feminine viewer watching the awards, but let’s just break this down a bit into some mainstream conspiracy shit.

Kathryn Bigelow who won best director (for the Hurtlocker) was ex-wife to another director up for the Oscar—James Cameron (for Avatar) this immediately established a tension and drama within the academy scene that went beyond the actual quality of the movies.

And let’s face it, Bigelow won best director for a film about WAR. Granted, I haven’t seen it because it’s been on a “long wait” in my Netflix que, but I doubt it has any type of running theme of taking care of our earth, or connecting to our planet because we are "all one", or any of that type of lovey dovey, peaceful hippie shit that Avatar did. And here is my conspiracy—Avatar didn’t win because it didn’t send the “right” message out to our general public. It basically said to stop fighting and starting peacing and what U.S. citizen really believes in that?

Granted it is amazing and about fucking time that a woman got any cred, but we need to be a careful about how and why the victories come about. Advertising. Women are watching the Oscars; women want other women to win—duh. Most people watching the awards are looking for sentimentality, not underlying social messages which will come later when the people decide go see the movie that won. I don’t want to say that the only reason she won was because it would make better tv…but I sort of felt that the Lifetime network had taken over and we were witnessing a terrible scene about ex-husband and wife rivals (which I suppose we were). I didn’t like that because I felt they were pushing me to root for people based on them as people, not based on them as directors. I felt it was more about how many tears they could churn out because that sells shits. and that’s how they make money. and it’s all about the money and the power isn’t it?

Speaking of previews and sentimentality—Sandra Bullock! Can I just go puke up my soul in the toilet right now? OKAY. It’s true. I haven’t seen The Blindside and I don’t have it on my Netflix on a long wait, WHY? Because it looks horrendous. It looks like a middle class white woman being uppity, pretentious, and meddling. It looks like a white woman trying to get involved in shit that she has no clue or social conception about but who also thinks it’s her priority as a white woman to interfere because she can and because she’s white and that’s what she’s supposed to do. But that’s just what I’m picking up from the Hallmark-cardesque previews.

And finally. I do not think it is time, nor do I think it will ever be time to make elaborate commercials about vaginal leakage. But thank you Poise for completely fucking with my mind. 1 in 3 woman have leakage? Isn’t that just obviousness? I mean it’s a hole. Surely it’s going to be a bit drippy, but do I need to think about it? NO! NO! NO! Please. We don’t talk about it Whoopie because it’s fucking weird. I don’t think it’s gross because again, ½ the population have holes and there is a thing called gravity, I just don’t need the Statue of Liberty or a Fairy Princess telling me to wear a liner

But check it out for yourself if you’d like: click here

Finally, I would just like to say that I would feel better about an honest award ceremony based less on who is buying advertisements and who the mainstream audience is (white women) then one that centers on conforming to what they think the people watching would like to see, that is just pure bullshit and it makes it less believable that everyone who won, won so according to talent. I'd like to believe the talent is true, but it was the year of Miss Congeniality and that certainly makes me want to throw in the towel.