Lips, Unzipped is a space for self-expression and open dialogue. It is a space where one can unlock inner thoughts and ideas and delve into the deeper world of conversation and innovation. Unzip your lips and hear the magic revealed through the art of communication.
NOW is YOUR chance to VOTE for your favorite outfit that I will wear to Pervertable Tongues' Thursday show at the Bottom Lounge, 1375 W. Lake Street, (October 1st). Doors Open at 8. 4 Bands. 21+.
Please add your comment below by selecting one of the four options. The top vote will be worn.
Make it to the show for the reveal. If you're extra special Ryan will lick you...
Cds will be available there for $10 with $5 going directly to the Feminist Creative Alliance.
Take a listen at www.myspace.com/pervertabletongues
Also available on i-tunes.
Please come support local (feminist-inspired) music.
If you have any questions email Krystal at stalher03@yahoo.com
That’s right Men. Every time you rub one out, bop the bishop, beat your meat, choke your chicken, flog one’s log, wank it off, you KILL BABIES. Millions of babies DIE every second when you jerk your Johnson. All you male masturbators are all going to HELL, MURDERERS!!!! And the funniest part is that even if you try to control it, it controls YOU, ever wake up after a wet dream, 200 million babies—dead. You think God is going to forgive you, even if it was an “accident” THINK AGAIN. Imagine your flesh being burned slowly off your body. That’s what the babies feel when you “paint the ceiling” and throw them absentmindedly all over your bedroom, or bathroom, or wherever it is you like to spank your monkey. How completely evil of you. If I had any control I’d clog up your urethral opening so as to prevent you from killing any more cute innocent baby-children, but of course that would prevent you from urinating and eventually YOU would DIE, but it would be worth it because I would save so many more lives, and since you’re already alive, you are no longer important and God really truly hates you.
Right. Let's just completely sexually repress ourselves to save lives that don't actually exist, instead of taking care of the people who actually do...
Reading Curve Magazine’s “Lesbian Fall TV Preview” the other day I found it almost disturbing how hard they were reaching to find any representation of queerness on television. The subheading reads “brace yourself ladies, your tv is about to get very very gay,” but the lineups don’t get very gay at all. In fact, in almost every instance the woman represented is bisexual or a lesbian in her personal life but isn’t playing one on screen.
I do not find bisexuality to be a problematic label, but I do find it problematic that television writers (House, Bones, Melrose Place, etc.) choose to make the female characters “bisexual” not to be edgy or politically correct, but to boast ratings. Why can’t any of these females be actual lesbians? Because people can’t handle the fact that they may not really deep down like the cock and bisexuality gives the opportunity for an almost pornographic male fantasy—will she make-out with another woman today—let’s watch and find out!
It is thrilling though to at least be making waves in the heteronormative media, though there is a lot more work to be done to break the hetero/homo binary and allow fluidity of sexuality to run the market place. I mean how many more great story-lines exist in the different realms of sexuality that lack any tv time? Seriously. There are so many more ways to create drama in a show. For example, polyamory: how much love is enough love? Or weird sex fetishes (that don’t start or end with someone’s death like on those SVU shows) or Queer lifestyles in general--an entire reality tv show dedicated to this would be awesome.
The world of television needs to expand, needs to become more inclusive, and needs to tackle more alternative lifestyles to show the beauty in diversity. We don’t need 87 different investigative crime shows, do we? Even if one out of the 87 has a bisexual woman in it, it doesn’t make it any better necessarily than those who don’t. What would make a show better is if it went against the norms and exposed the world to alternatives that people may have never imagined before, shows that are both enlightening and entertaining. Very few today do that, with queer people in them or not.
I’ve never suffered from what Freud would call “penis envy” not in the literal physical sense anyway, perhaps in the more metaphorical way that the penis seems to represent power and control in our culture. Of course, like all curious creatures, I have wondered what it feels like to have a penis, to penetrate and ejaculate and all the weird stuff that penis do. So. At the drag ball I stuffed myself. I would have to admit having a penis is hard…. (I’ll allow you to come up with your own boner joke here). Perhaps my sock was too big, but it kept moving around in my pants, never staying where I wanted it to and making me walk weird everywhere I went. Having a penis and attempting to dance “like a man” proved more difficult of a task. I never realized how closely knit I kept my body parts as a female, when I dance I keep everything together in a simple flow, though while trying to imitate masculinity all my moves were boxy and completely unnatural.
To me, having a penis-sock for one night made me realize why many men have power issues. Women are connected to their bodies, to nature, to birth and men have little understanding of this. Instead of embracing women’s’ contributions to society they downplay women’s worth so as to feel more important about themselves. Of course this is a simple generalization, but in my observations men in our culture are allowed only a few representations of emotions; they’re taught they should always be rational, linear, strong, powerful, in complete control. Men are only allowed to show masculine qualities. My question is if men, generally speaking, showed more of a balance between masculine and feminine traits would life really be so bad for them? What actually would happen if they let go of control for a moment. Surely what hangs down between their legs can’t possible have that much control over their actions and reactions.
I understand the discomfort, but I can never understand why women should be envious of that. Maybe the “penis envy” theory is just a Freudian cover-up of the real issue, that of feminine jealousy. The regret men have due to the fact that they feel confined to particular roles that they never wanted to play… or never got the option to play anything else.
In any case. I am happy to have a detachable penis that I never have to attach again. Being a man isn’t necessarily that challenging (except when it comes to dancing), but I have better skills and training as a woman--or as a person who has the opportunity to balance both femininity and masculinity and create an identity that is somewhere in between the gender divide. Where everyone should at least attempt to go.
The Vagina Cake I made for Nyal's (Ryan's brothers) Birthday! Very simple--cut the rectangle into a diamond than just star-tip icing around it in different shades of vag until you're done. I also added extra bling bling for the clitoris, since that's the most important part of desert...
Can be done in any flavor--but strawberry makes the most sense...
It's All in the Family: Intersections of Gender, Race, and Nation
Tomorrow marks the occasion for the first EVER Feminist Creative Alliance fundraiser: Changing Seasons, Changing Genders Drag Ball. The likes of Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Dirty ole’ Tramps and other beautiful faces will be gracing the event so make it over if you’re in the Chicago area. It’s a house party or to be more accurate an apartment party at my place and since it’s at my place I must prepare the space.
Party Proofing derives from the same basic concepts of Baby Proofing. Remove breakables and small objects people could stick in their mouths and choke on *insert lame penis-pun here*.When I have a party there are particular steps I take to ensure that both the guests and myself have a fascinating life-enhancing time.
First. Pre-cleaning. This is less scrubbing and more picking up. Essentially just hide and store anything you don’t want people to 1)steal (jewelry, electronics etc.) 2)break (things made of glass ,etc.) 3)talk about (books, movies, cds) sometimes you just may not be in the mood to discuss Foucault or the hidden meanings in Lady Gaga lyrics and if that is the case get said items off your coffee table or turn them around on your shelves. Once everything is picked up or moved out RELAX. No need to dust or vacuum or mop the floors (unless you never clean—then you may want to consider it), but there is no need to do said cleaning rituals before a party because your place is going to get destroyed and you’ll have to repeat it all the next day anyway.
Second. Inebriation and Gluttony. Liquor and food. Have lots of both, but don’t go into stringent on the details of either. No need to make complicated recipes, keep it simple. No one cares what they’re eating when they’re drunk just as long as they’re eating something. I say stick with the salt family—chips, pretzels, crackers, nuts *insert lame cock joke now*.
Third. Theme. Make it mean something. Make it special so the memory lasts longer. Plus it makes conversation easier at later times, instead of saying “remember that one time at one of Krystal’s parties—I can’t remember which one because they’re all so similar” they will say, “remember that time at the Underwear Party when Marcus* pooped himself—or whatever event actually took place (*I don’t actually party with anyone named Marcus).
Fourth. Time. Whatever time you make it, people will not show up then, they will show up way later. Maybe it’s for fashion sake, but I think people just move slow before they’re going out—they seem to need to meditate on the idea of being social—it’s fine with me as long as they eventually show up.
Fifth. Intoxicate yourself.
Sixth. Go with the flow.
Seventh. Dance.
Eighth. Go to sleep.
Nine. Post-cleaning. After the hang-over has subsided (or right when you get out of bed) Start. Don’t fuck around with the mess, get it over with. Begin with all the cups and plates and similar like trash. Then scrub-a-dub-dub all the floors, tables, chairs, and probably the bathroom if it was a good party (and it should have been if you followed the last 8 suggestions), then of course, bring back out everything you had stored away.
Ten. Reward yourself for a party well done. I suggest greasy food to help with the riddance of said hangover.
So there you have it—a simply way to host a great night.
And what would make this upcoming party even better is your attendance. So drag your feet on over and enjoy the ball.
All proceeds go to help the Feminist Creative Alliance-- a newly formed non-profit arts organization looking to raise money for 501c3 status. Seriously. This is a party you don’t want to miss… For more info—message me.
There’s an old saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
But Engagement Chicken? What. The. Fuck.
According to Glamour Magazine if you bake a whole chicken with lemon juice, salt and pepper within days… DAYS, your heterosexual male mate will drop a ring (bling bling) on your finger (will drop ring even faster if you pair it will hook-him apple pie). It’s magical. I guess. If you’re into coercion through food.
Do women want to get married so badly that they’re willing to kill a chicken because of it? That poor chicken, what did it ever do to deserve to die over some sort of scheming love tacit? This isn’t even witchcraft, it is pure evilfembotcraft and it needs to stop.
There are plenty of obvious problems with the “engagement chicken” obviously there is the vegetarian stand-point as well the typical hetero-normative conformation taking place. Which happens as the woman hints through the chicken that she wants the man FOREVER without her just gaining any type of feministic courage and asking HIM to marry HER instead. But, that wouldn’t be romantic or traditional now would it? And for some reason it’s hard for people to think outside the box—both the fem box and ring box.
Man wants fem box, woman wants ring box together heterosexual normativity is born and manifests in cyclical fashion over and over and over again.
Until the day the bling bling loses its shine and reality sets; you realize perhaps you’ve eaten too many whole chickens and the outcome of the engagement wasn’t as happy and magical as the fairytale of your dreams.
So hetero-women everywhere before you get to baking that chicken perhaps take a moment to reflect as to why you are attempting to subtlety hint through a dead bird your need for the ring. In the end you may realize that a natural loving bond is more important than settling with some man just because it’s the “traditional”, “normal” thing to do.
I have my Master of Arts degree in Women and Gender Studies as well as a Master's in Writing and Publishing from DePaul.
I'm currently living in Boulder, CO working for a non-profit called Fertile Action and writing about visual arts (and more) for the Boulder Weekly.
Why blog?
I think too much, hence I decided I need a space to get it all out; and there is no better space than a virtual one.
