Utopia: Is it Possible?

I often try to imagine what a utopia would look like, and within my limited imagination I don’t think I get too far. Butler talks about the imagination and how everything we can imagine already exists within our knowledge base—thus our imagination can exist in reality. Obviously that wasn’t the extent of the argument, she wasn't referring to unicorns, but if one looks at a particular issue such as sexism—we can imagine a world without it and within that we know that a sexist-free environment can exist.

When I try to create a utopia does the very act of trying help to get us closer? One of the themes I’ve been wanting to have for the Feminist Creative Alliance is one on a positive future and what they would look like.

Most of the books I’ve read about our future have caused me to be ridden with dread, Parable of the Sower, 1984, The Handmaid’s Tale, Brave New World, In Persuasion Nation, etc.

I suppose that’s part of the point, to scare people into not letting it go down like that—but how many of those authors were a little too close for comfort. And in what ways have those prophecies manifested or even became worse?

Are there any books or visual representations of our future that are closer to a utopia then a dystopia? Perhaps I have always just gravitated toward the negative.

I don’t believe it’s possible to have a collective utopia; I’m sure there are certain people on the planet right now who think that what they’re living in is a utopia (people who are too privileged to even know what’s going on outside of their mansions for an example), so is it all about creating a perfect place with what we already have? Can we transform everything we see as problems into imaginative solutions? What would it look like? How would we do it?

Does it come from avoidance? Letting go of issues that are too big to solve? Or does it come from not letting the things that bother us into our lives? How can we do that? Perhaps it’s not about creating a utopia at all but just attempting to make better what we already have...a planetary makeover so to speak. Or maybe it’s just about accepting what we have and be happy with it (as often as we can).

Food v. Sex: What's a Woman to Choose?

Sometimes I get really sad when I'm eating because I realize that the food will soon be gone and the deliciousness that is happening in my mouth will all be over.

And when I say sad, I mean I honestly think about not eating it. To save it. To savor it. When I was a child I used to store food in my cheeks like a chipmunk. I don't think my mom thought it was cute.

I believe this sadness is why I often have candy left over from halloween in December. Or an Easter bunny chilling in the freezer in August. Or why I'm so picky about when to eat the cupcakes I just made. Or the amount of my mom's homemade pickles I can eat every day (1).

my vegan homemade marble swirl cupcakes with "buttercream" frosting.

I hear people say that they plow through bags of cookies...or eat a whole bag of chips at once. I can't do this. I eat a small amount and then put them away because I want to have them again and again.

Perhaps this is why I am appalled by the way Ryan eats. (He knows this by now so I assure you he shouldn't be offended.) He takes mega-big bites and I swear he swallows the food before he even tastes it---though he claims that he just likes the flavors to fill his whole mouth. Whatever. I know everyone does their own food thing, but seriously, how can people eat that fast?

And how come I'm not fatter? I mean, you would think I'd be popping food in my mouth every second if my tongue enjoys tastes so much. It must be that fear of the tastes being there for one moment and then never being there again...so I don't even bother.

I saw a post once that said women think about food more than sex.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

There are just so many different types of foods out there and different ways you can cook them. Why wouldn't we? Food is not as risky as sex. Most food doesn't have the potential to give us transmitted diseases (minus ecoli etc). And food will never get us pregnant.

Of course if we eat too much food fewer people will think about having sex with us...so there's that downfall. And another potential reason why women think more about food than sex--they're not thinking about eating it, they're thinking about not eating it so people will find them more attractive. And that is fucked up.

But that's not how I think about food. I like to have a healthy relationship with it, where it likes me and I like it and we're in a beautiful egalitarian relationship with each other.

And food and I work together on me getting over my random bouts of sadness when I take the last bite. (Knowing that I will eventually get another last bite the next time I eat).

The Art of: A New Generation.

I’ve been reading Patti Smith’s book Just Kids and it's been making me think about our generation of artist versus hers. I think we often yearn for the type of nostalgic like reflection of that era we so often read about or watch in films.

I think many of us believe we’re going to be in those tight knit circles of amazing creators and have these epic beautiful experiences, but here’s why our generation is different and why we need to let go of that era and create our own sense of place.

1) No Money v. Fake Money

They knew what it was like to starve. They knew how far a dime went or what they could actually buy with their twice monthly paychecks. We, on the other hand, have the luxury of fake money—credit cards and student loans that let us rack of tremendous debt.

We never go hungry but we never get out of the hole.

Their freedom came from being broke, having nothing, but wanting it all. They were hungry, both literally and creatively. Our inspiration must come from a different place--perhaps our sense of alienation or lack of community, or want for traditions but not feeling connected to the traditions/holidays that already exist.

What can we do with our fake money that highlights our generation instead of trying to mirror another? How can we play with being "in the hole?"

2) Space

People flock to New York as if it’s the mecca of art—and maybe to many it is, but it’s not a run-down Chelsea Hotel where all the poor art kids live anymore. You can’t just walk into the Quixote and hang out with Lady Gaga or sit at the round table at Max’s Kansas City with Jay-Z and Beyonce'—all those places have been commodified anyway and they've lost their essence. The new scene must develop elsewhere. And in more places.

3) Population

Speaking of a new scene. In 1970 there were 3 billion people on the planet. Now there are 7. Seven billion people, that’s 7,000,000,000.000 ---actually I don’t even know it’s such a mega big number.

With such an increase in population we also increase the amount of people who want to do what we want to do, whatever it is that we’re wanting to do...and many people want the romantic life of an artist (though when one really examines it, it may not be as romantic as it appears).

But with this population growth we must create new spaces to develop and become a stronger more connected community both on and offline.

5) Technological Influence

Patti and company went to a mainstream film like maybe once a month, sure they watched and stared in each other’s art films, but they weren’t bombarded by an overflux of other art, just the art in their circle and what they were personally creating.

One of the biggest differences is of course, the internet, everything is at our fingertips, our disposal and it’s all disposable—we don’t chant off lines of Yeat's poetry or long passages of Oscar Wilde...we can look up any artist at any time but does it stick with us? Does it move us? We’re constantly being entertained, not trying to entertain ourselves.

6) Dedication

And because we’re bombarded by other people’s work, we don’t give ourselves as much time to work on our own. At least I often expect good stuff to come out at the very beginning, and I feel as if many of us rarely give ourselves room to make mistakes or just “go with the flow.”

And what about time to dream?

How do we fill the time in a day? How many people are online for most of it? And if that is where we are, how can we turn that around and make it actually beneficial to our work?

7) Commodity Culture

Even if we think we don’t, we think about it selling. We think about our audience and what our audience wants. It takes a lot of practice to strip away these ideas and do art for ones’ self. And it’s really a double-edged sword because if we want to be “successful” and not live off credit cards our whole lives we must be able to sell our work, but we don’t want the work to be confined to whatever is hot in the market. Because that isn’t art that’s just conforming to consumerism.

Conclusion

So naturally and obviously we're different than the people we have come to idolize. Of course, they can tell us how they maneuvered through that time period and in a way it can help, but it's time for us to create our own path, to develop what this can all mean, why we're all here and how we can strive for better communication and come together so our generation can have its own meaning, it's own poetic force.

Today, Remember Citizen Ruth.

In honor of the 38th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, here's a scene from one of my all-time favorite movies.

In the movie, it shows how both pro-choice and pro-life sides act utterly ridiculous to the point of completely forgetting that Ruth is a person--not an idea or a symbol.

The movie has a pretty amazing ending that helps sum up that idea; I highly recommend it to any one who hasn't seen it.

The Art of: Not Getting It.

Art is not a mirror to reflect the world, but a hammer with which to shape it. -- Vladimir Mayakovsky

I believe art may have the greatest impact for social transformation because of its ability to impact people on multiple levels--emotional, spiritual, rational, political, physical, or any such combination. And through that ability it creates dialogue and inspiration to become better people. It can be thought-provoking and yet also be the voice for people who are unable to communicate their own ideas. It connects.

Perhaps that's why artists are the sexiest people on the planet. They are sensitive. They are dedicated. They are vulnerable. They are expressive and creative above and beyond the average citizen. And for most of them they are trying to make a difference.

And that's hot.

But I think it's time for me to come out.

I want to be perfectly honest here.

Most of the time, when I go to a gallery I just don't get it.

Presumably many people are like this. Maybe that's what makes art so important. Because a piece that speaks to me may mean absolutely nothing to the next person and vice versa.

But often I am afraid that by admitting I don't get something I will come off looking like an ignorant asshole. Someone who just doesn't "understand" high art. And I guess, one of my all-time personal fears is being seen as an idiot. Which is why, sometimes at galleries I just look at the art, raise my eyebrows, sigh and then go get a glass of wine.

I don't want to continue skimming through galleries acting like it's all okay.

If I must, I will admit that I'm an idiot when it comes to art and ask people to explain.

But in general I would like my gallery experience to change.

For one, I want to quit going to galleries that are set up like high-end clothing stores. I'm not going to buy the art, but I'll buy the "idea" that the art is trying to sell.

Secondly I'd like more touching, more feeling, pieces off and on the wall. It's about community now. Anyone can look at art any time, but not everyone can be in the same space and feel something together.

Finally, going back to my first idea about art being transformative...I'd like it to reach beyond the gallery somehow. This is why I find street art compelling. Now I am aware that not all of it is good. But I like the "idea" of it.

You're going along with your regular day, you're on the train, or the bus, or walking down the street and you notice something that normally is doldrum suddenly transformed, a wall, lamp post, a window, it alters one's sense of place, it shifts one's mode of thinking, it disturbs the everyday--usually in a good way. It's very D.I.Y. It's very punk in a way, in that it doesn't conform to a particular space or need to be in a gallery or need to become a commodity (unless you're one of the "street artists" who are now doing it as a commodity, but that's a different story, I believe it's now a documentary).

But that rebellion, that juxtaposition between art and everyday. That's what I'd like to see more of. That's what I'd like to see explored. And it doesn't have to fit the confines of street art either, it can be something else entirely as long as it's making waves, creating dialogue, conjuring inspiration in others.

That's why I love and hate art at the same time. Because I want to understand where the artists are coming from and I want to take away something from their work.

I guess I just need to come to the conclusion that it's not all out there for me to get. And that's okay.

Maybe someday I will "get it" all but maybe I won't.

In the meantime, I'll just have to go, look, ask, and enjoy.

I will soak in the feeling of not understanding. I will linger in that space for awhile and take pleasure in the unknowing. I will accept both and all that is in between in an attempt to make my art experience more fulfilling, more rewarding.

Pretending doesn't give me room to grow. And that's what art, in my opinion, is supposed to help do.

What a Shame We're Not More Dirty.

I recently watched the John Waters' movie, A Dirty Shame.

Waters is brilliant. Sure many of his movies are absolutely disgusting, but that's the point. To go where no one else will (publicly) go.

I enjoyed watching A Dirty Shame because it addresses our sexual fears of abnormality head on. Waters doesn't apologize or try to hide weird human sexual practices in any way. By making them over the top and absurd he creates a space for people to actually explore their own sexualities knowing that whatever they do can't possibly be as weird as what was seen in that movie.

Just like in the abortion-themed movie Citizen Ruth, (dir. Alexander Payne) this movie does a powerful job of revealing how both sides, the prudes and the sex addicts are just down right ridiculous.

Though many of his films are hard to watch because of their grotesqueness I still find them important in the overall scheme of sexual acceptability. He does a great job of riding the line. Of just throwing it all out there. Of being completely filthy, rotten, nasty, perverted. And we need that. As a prudish uptight society, we need to let it out a little bit. Perhaps a lot.

All I know is that it was nice to watch a film that didn't fit into the generic prince and princess sunset escapism romantic comedy crap. And I'd really like more films (including other directors/writers) to push these boundaries.

As well as people in their every day lives.

Purging Out the Bad Stuff.

I woke up today thinking about how unhappy I am with my writing from yesterday. I don't like the negativity, I am in fact, trying to move beyond that and steer myself away from that type of mentality...yet at the same time I am aware that I will have bouts of it, that it will not fade away as quickly as I'd like.

Today, I don't feel the need for nihilism at all. Perhaps, I'm a manic-depressed person, perhaps writing about it purged it from my system.

Earlier this morning I woke up to deer hanging out in my backyard. If I lived in the country this wouldn't be so odd, but I live right in town, right by one of the busiest streets. And they just hung out there for hours. People entered and left parking lots. Cars rushed by. Sirens went off. And they just sat there munching grass (or whatever they were eating).

(Checking out the neighborhood)

It reminded me of a war movie I just watched, The Thin Red Line, the director counters all the brutality and killing by mixing in shots of the native animals and plants. Even within all this human conflict other species are around us, chilling, living their lives. Not really giving a flying monkey's tail what anyone else is doing, as long as the "doing" isn't interfering with them.

I'd like to be more like that.

I read this article today on elephant journal, by the amazing Ben Ralston, and in the article there is a video, and in the video the spiritual master Tony Samara says,

"Don't be an addict to your misery, or your seriousness, or to society's expectations."

Of course, in the video, he said it slower and dreamier, but it really hit me. I was like, duh. This is what I've been trying to do for years now. (And though it's easy to say, it's difficult to actually manage.)

I recently have been given the most amazing opportunity to work on a book. And of course, I've been feeling the pressure and the stress of doing something everyone wants to do, but very few people ever actually accomplish (and even fewer people actually succeed at it).

This quote helped me in three ways.

1) I know I won't be able to write a successful book if I think about what other people are going to think of it.

2) I know that if I sit around complaining about how I can't write, well then I won't be able to write.

3) I know if I worry about the book having meaning, or transforming people, and being super serious about making that happen, then no one will be interested...it will come out cheesy and cliche'.

So I just have to do like the animals do and munch on the grass while the world goes on around me.

I just need to sit here and do my thing.

And when my thing is done, then I can worry about whether or not anyone is going to like it.

But for now, it's just for me.